


intertwined

by lux_et_astra



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Harassment, Ice Skating, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kidnapping, Major Character Injury, Maria Hill Needs a Hug, Mild torture, Multi, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, ice hockey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 26,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24145879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lux_et_astra/pseuds/lux_et_astra
Summary: Rules of the Shield Ice Rink (some official - some less so.)1. No running near the ice.2. Nobody allowed on the ice who might be a danger to themselves or others.3. No food or drink near the ice.4. All of Phil’s skaters have to volunteer on weekends.5. No hockey players may consort with figure skaters.6. No figure skaters may consort with hockey players.7. Nobody uses changing room 5 on a Tuesday or Thursday afternoon.Natasha and Maria have learnt not to lean on anybody but themselves. Maybe all it takes is breaking the unofficial rules of the rink to get them to open up.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Leo Fitz & Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Maria Hill & Bobbi Morse, Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov, background Jemma Simmons/Skye | Daisy Johnson
Comments: 139
Kudos: 198





	1. skin

**Author's Note:**

> This is the ice skating AU nobody asked for but everybody needs. Maria’s a hockey player; Nat’s a figure skater; there’s a Civil War between the male skaters and hockey players; there’s more angst than strictly necessary and way more gayness than strictly necessary.
> 
> I don’t own Marvel, Avengers or Agents of SHIELD.
> 
> Titles come from Dodie Clark’s Intertwined.

It takes Maria longer than usual to realise somebody’s approaching her changing room. She has her headphones in blasting music at an ungodly volume, and she’s got her jumper halfway around her elbows above her head, so it’s only when the handle of the door is turned that she registers the intruder. For a moment, they are both frozen. The music in her headphones seems louder than ever in the silence of the room, as Maria closes her eyes in horror as she realises someone is standing in the doorway. Then an especially loud chord explodes in her ear, and she yanks her shirt down over her bare stomach with a distressed noise and fire burning in her cheeks.

“What the hell? Who are you?”

“Natasha Romanoff,” says the mystery woman coolly. “You?”

“Maria. And this is my changing room.” Maria turns her gaze to the stubborn knot on her boot, expecting the woman — Natasha — to leave. But to her surprise, when the next chorus bursts into her headphones, the woman is not only still in her changing room, but sitting down and slipping her shoes off. “Did you hear me?”

“Perfectly. But I didn’t read anything about reserved changing rooms, so I elected to ignore you.” Natasha is flippant, and Maria is almost impressed. She tugs her jumper over her head, revealing a red leotard.

“Oh,” nods Maria. “You’re a figure skater.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Natasha whips her head around, red curls flying, with an annoyed expression on her face.

“Just that none of the hockey players would be stupid enough to try and come in my changing room.”

“Please— Maria— there are six changing rooms in this rink. You can’t _claim_ one.”

“Exactly. There are six changing rooms. So please, respectfully, go find a different one.” Maria’s still wearing her hockey jumper. It’s damp and cold, but no way is she undressing with this stranger in her room.

Natasha rolls her eyes. “1, full of stinky hockey boys. 2, full of stinky hockey girls. 3, full of cliquey figure skating girls. 4, boys again. 5, grumpy lady. 6, screaming children.” She pauses, making eye contact with Maria. “Grumpy lady seems like the best deal here.”

“I like to be alone.” There’s a hard edge to Maria’s voice.

“So do I.” Natasha isn’t even changing now, just sitting and staring at Maria. “So I think we can make this arrangement work.”

Maria finally breaks eye contact, looking away and grabbing a blue shirt out of her bag. “Why are so many of you even here, anyway? I thought the skaters all had individual lessons. And I’ve never seen you before.”

“Have you seriously missed all the flyers?” Natasha stands up, rips a poster off the wall, and hands it to Maria. “We’re doing The Nutcracker. For charity.” Maria feels like an idiot. Yes, she’s seen the flyers. She berates herself in her head. _Stupid, Maria. Connect the dots._

“All of you?” It’s a stupid thing to say. Maria’s going to need to work hard to come back in Natasha’s esteem.

“Most of us. It’s hard to turn down a charity performance. Makes you seem icier than even I’m willing to appear.” Natasha cracks a smile — a real smile. 

“I see. And— you’re not going to leave, are you?”

Natasha just shakes her head. “Look, I get wanting to be alone. And I get that probably you’ve had it your way for a while. But I can’t go change with your team, and I definitely can’t change with mine. So we’re just going to have to get along.” She pauses, then tilts her head. “Okay?”

It’s not really a choice. But Maria appreciates Natasha pretending that it is. “If you’re quiet. I like loud music, but otherwise— silence.”

Natasha laughs, and Maria allows her face to soften into a small smile. “Okay. I can get behind that.”

The shirt clutched to her chest, Maria makes her way to the shower cubicles.

“You don’t have to hide, you know,” calls Natasha. “We’re all girls here. I have seen boobs before.”

Maria’s face flushes deep red and she turns around, expression steely. “It is none of your business where I choose to change,” she snaps. Still, she returns to her bench, yanking her headphones out and pulling the jumper over her head. Acutely aware of Natasha’s eyes on her bare back, she puts the shirt on as quickly as she can, but when she turns around, Natasha’s not looking in her direction at all. Instead, she’s lacing up delicate peach skates. Feeling embarrassed and a little stupid, Maria clears her throat. 

“Uh, thank you. For not looking.”

“No problem.” Natasha looks up and flashes a quick smile. “Sorry I pushed you.”

“No. That’s okay.” Maria takes a deep breath. “I should probably be less quick to lose my temper anyway.”

“Hey, I don’t mind,” shrugs Natasha. “We all have our faults. I’m going to have to learn to put up with yours if this is going to be a long-term arrangement.”

“I... yeah.” Maria packs her boots into her bag. “So, The Nutcracker. You’re...” She trails off, hoping to gauge both Natasha’s skill and her personality from her response.

“Clara,” says Natasha, shrugging a little.

“Impressive,” admits Maria. “You must be good.”

“I train hard,” says Natasha. “Something about the icy Russian genes.”

Maria, despite herself, lets out a short laugh. “I can get behind that. Canadian, born and bred.”

Natasha smiles, tying the bow on her laces with a final flourish. “I should get going. Phil isn’t patient.”

“Good luck,” says Maria, on instinct. “Or, don’t fall over. Whatever.” She picks up her bag and slings it over her shoulder, walking out of the door without a backwards glance.

The stairs up to the Shield Cafe have been recarpeted. It looks different. The blue carpet sinks more under Maria’s feet, and it catches her off-guard. But it looks better. The old carpet was raggedy, brown, and careworn. Maria wonders if they’re going to renovate the whole rink — change it all for the better.

When she gets to the top, her already aching legs protesting at the exercise, she glances at the large windows without thinking. There are two rinks - Alpha, and Delta. There are so many kids swarming the Alpha rink that she can barely make out individual figures, but the Delta rink is virtually empty yet. As Maria watches, a red-haired, tiny shape glides gracefully onto the ice. It looks as easy as walking. 

“Maria!” calls a voice, and she’s snapped out of her concentration to look over at where her little brother is running over to her.

“Hey, buddy,” smiles Maria. “How did I do?”

“Great! What were you looking at?” asks Joseph.

“Oh, nothing,” says Maria, slinging her arm around him. “Come on. Let’s go home.”


	2. heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria doesn’t mean to walk in on Natasha half-naked. She _swears_ she doesn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAY. gay gay gay. This chapter is super gay.

The air in the changing room is cold. Maria shivers, her short-sleeved shirt offering little protection from the icy draft coming from the door. She grabs her jumper and tugged it over her head, navigating around the corner by memory and trying to pull the woollen fabric under her eyes. She hears a gasp and finally manages to get her head through the right hole, her eyes landing on Natasha’s bare back, the shorter woman standing in the area by the shower subtitles. Maria breathes in sharply. There are raised scars crisscrossing her back, her pale skin striped with pink scar tissue.

Mortified, Maria flings her hands up to cover her face. “I’m sorry!” she exclaims. “I came to turn the thermostat up, I swear— god, I’m so sorry, damn, I mean— _shit_ , I—“

“Maria, Maria!” Maria feels Nat touch her arm gently. Carefully, Maria peeks through her fingers to see Natasha smiling wryly, a baggy black jumper draped over her shoulders. “It’s okay. If I was that concerned about my body, I wouldn’t be a skater.”

Maria’s cheeks are burning. “I am so sorry.” The thermostat is in reach on the wall, still proclaiming 49 degrees, but Maria doesn’t feel the need to turn it up any more. “I— I didn’t mean to see anything.”

“It’s okay.” Natasha’s expression steels. “But if you dare mention… anything… you really will be sorry.”

There’s a fire in Natasha’s voice that makes Maria slightly uncomfortable. “Of course,” she says. “Your privacy is yours.”

“Thank you.” Maria is intrigued by the way Natasha can go from threatening to gentle in a matter of seconds. “You don’t need to be embarrassed.” Natasha lifts a hand and presses it to Maria’s cheek, only succeeding in making it hotter. “Wow. You blush a lot, don’t you?”

“I just walked in on you half-naked!” Something sits heavy in Maria’s stomach.

“Yeah, well, I grew up with a lot of other girls,” admits Natasha. “I’m fairly used to it.”

“Even in—“ Maria cuts herself off. “I’ve always turned around.”

“Always?”

“Well, I suppose not when I was really young,” says Maria. This is heading with alarming speed into ‘talking about her childhood’ territory, so she backs out quickly. “I’m going to let you change.” She returns to the larger part of the room, shaking her head in embarrassment. She laces up one of her battered Converse boots, but finds that she feels like it’s too soon to leave. She glances at the clock. Does it normally take her longer to change? 

Natasha comes back to her bench, sitting down across the other side of the changing room. Natasha’s bench is next to the door, whereas Maria’s is closer to the showers. This offers Natasha the prime opportunity to slam the door closed, shutting off the cold air. Maria starts at the noise, breathing a stream of air from her lips. She closes her eyes, breathing in deeply, and scrunching her nose as she feels the beginnings of a headache. She sighs. It feels like it’s going to be one of those days.

“Everything alright?” 

Maria jumps again, Natasha much closer than she’d realised. “Yes. Just a headache.”

Natasha makes a sympathetic face. “You know, I never get headaches.”

“Lucky you,” mutters Maria. Natasha turns away to return to her bench. “Never?” 

Maria doesn’t know why she’s carrying on the conversation. She should probably leave — Joseph will be waiting for her, and she’s never usually this late — but this girl is interesting. She can’t be more than twenty, but she’s clearly one of the most talented figure skaters that trains at this rink, and she’s daring — stupid — enough to insert herself into Maria’s private sanctuary. There’s something different about her. Something that makes Maria want to talk to her more.

“Never,” affirms Natasha. “I have an iron constitution.”

“Wow,” says Maria. “That’s impressive.” She turns to her phone, which has lit up with four texts from Joseph. “Oh, God,” she sighs, hoping he’s not panicked or lost.

“Everything okay?” asks Natasha, but Maria just nods quickly, unlocking her phone.

_Hi, Ria! Are you coming?_

_I made a friend! She works at the cafe!_

_Jemma said there’s a free kids’ skate next weekend. Can I come?_

_Maria please can I come?_

Maria sighs in relief, quickly firing back a text.

_who’s Jemma? and I’ll think about it._

Joseph’s response is almost instantaneous.

_My new friend!_

_Best big sister ever._

Maria can’t help the smile that spreads over her face. There was a time when she wished she wasn’t twenty-two and living with a kid brother she had to take care of, but she’s long since changed her mind. She loves Joseph, and she wouldn’t trade him for the world.

“I’m guessing it’s all good, by that smile,” remarks Natasha. “Good news?”

“Yeah. Although, I guess less so for me. My brother wants to come to the free skate next weekend.” Maria shrugs. “I’m sure I can find something to occupy myself with. God knows he does it enough for me.”

“You can always volunteer,” offers Natasha. “The whole figure skating team is on a rota for the free skates, and I have it on good authority that almost every single one of them would rather be almost anywhere else.”

Maria is surprised. “Oh! That… that sounds great. Joseph hasn’t had much chance for skating. It would be pretty cool to get to teach him.”

“How old is he?” Natasha looks genuinely interested. 

“Sixteen.” Maria’s voice is clipped. 

“Well, I know I’m scheduled to work next weekend. I’d love to meet him.”

Maria pauses. “Maybe, yeah.” She silently laces the other Converse.

Natasha is silent too. It’s a little awkward, and five weeks ago, Maria would have hated the idea of someone else awkwardly hanging out in her changing room. But every Thursday since that first week, they’ve talked a little more. By now, Maria’s almost not annoyed at having to share her changing room.

She picks up her bag and makes to go, at the same time as Natasha steps towards the door in her skates. They bump into each other, Maria realising what’s about to happen in enough time to pull back, so that only their hands brush against each other. Maria apologises quickly, but Natasha just smiles at her. She must have turned the thermostat up. It’s definitely warmer in here. Maria swipes her hair, which has fallen loose from its ponytail, off her shoulder. 

“I’ll see you next week.”

Natasha’s smile is cheeky as she calls her response. “Looking forward to it.”


	3. hair in your mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regular ice skates are dumb. Hockey skates are much better. And they don’t make Maria fall over embarrassingly into her new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get a proper Agents of Shield crossover here! And more gay. Always more gay.

Maria’s wearing normal skates again. It’s been years since she’s worn normal skates. If she actually thinks about it… Yeah. Maria is lacing up regular ice skates for the first time in six years. God. Thinking about that… Maria shakes her head, snapping herself out of her thoughts. She glances over at Joseph, who’s struggling to clip the buckle on his blue rink-issued skates. She instinctively reaches over to help him, but the girl sitting on the other side of him on the bench does it faster.

“Thanks, Jemma!” says Joseph, beaming. “Are you excited? I’m excited!”

“Yes, I’m excited,” smiles Jemma. “I love coming to the free skates, even though I’m not very good at skating.”

Maria looks at the two of them, plus the curly haired, quiet boy sitting on Jemma’s right. The three of them seem to be having fun. They’re sweet, she thinks.

“You’re a proper skater, right, Miss Hill?” It takes her a second to realise Jemma’s talking to her.

“Oh, God, please, call me Maria,” she half-laughs, shaking her head. “Sort of. I’m part of a semi-pro ice hockey league, but I have a job and all that.”

“What do you do?” asks the curly kid. 

“I’m in private security right now,” begins Maria, then realises maybe that’s too broad a definition. “Currently I chuck people out of places if they aren’t allowed to be there.”

“That sounds like it’s interesting,” offers Jemma politely.

“It’s not exactly what I wanted to do with my life, but it pays well.” God, she sounds so cynical. She’s going to make all these poor kids completely disillusioned about their future.

“Maria was in the army!” adds Joseph. Maria swears in her brain. She glances across the room and sees Natasha’s eyes on her, making her feel uncomfortably warm.

“Wow. That’s so brave.” Jemma’s eyes are starry, and it’s possibly the worst thing Maria’s ever seen.

“Yeah, well, I was discharged,” murmurs Maria. “It was a long time ago.” She pulls the final bow on her boot harshly, and stands up quickly. “I should go get started. Will you guys be alright if I leave you to finish up on your own?”

“Yeah, Maria,” says Joseph. “See you on the ice. Love you.”

Maria kisses his forehead. “Love you too, buddy.” She makes her way over to the door, where Natasha is waiting.

“Your brother seems great,” Natasha comments.

“He is.” Maria glances at Natasha warily. “Did you hear…”

“Thank you for your service, and all that?” Natasha winks at Maria, making something shift in Maria’s chest. “Don’t worry. I won’t be weird about it. Not even a citizen, remember?”

Maria smiles gratefully. “Thanks. Do we, uh, need to sign in?”

Natasha nods, leading the way over to where Phillip Coulson is hovering by the side of the rink. Maria knows of him — everybody at the rink knows of him — but she’s never actually met him. She’s strangely nervous.

“Morning, Natasha,” he calls, too chipper for this time of day. “I see you’ve brought a friend! I don’t know that I can let her slide for the kids’ free skate, however.”

Natasha laughs. “Morning, Phil. This is Maria, she’s covering for Bruce today.”

“You offered to spend your Sunday working for free?” Phil raises his eyebrows and turns to Natasha. “She must be a saint.”

“Not a saint,” Maria puts in. “Just a protective big sister.” She waves to where Joseph and his friends have come out and are waiting to be let on to the ice.

“I see. Well, thank you for giving up your time, Maria. I assume you’re one of Fury’s?” Phil asks, and Maria nods. “Then you know your way around the ice. Mostly your job today is making sure if anyone falls over, they can get back up. Preferably without having their fingers sliced off.”

Maria curls her own fingers in sympathy. “Sounds easy enough. Thanks, for letting me do this.”

“Not a problem. We can always use the extra help.”

Natasha glides out onto the ice, Maria following shortly behind her. She stumbles, the skates she’s wearing feeling lighter than she’s used to. Natasha reaches out instantly and grabs Maria’s waist to stop her from falling. They’re very close. Natasha’s red curls are loose around her face, and Maria carefully brushes a lock of auburn hair from across her cheek. 

“Thanks.” Natasha releases her hands from around Maria’s waist.

“Careful. You’re supposed to be the one stopping people from falling,” teases Natasha.

“Oh, please. It’s just these weird boots. Why does anyone skate in these?” Maria throws Natasha a cheeky smile. 

“You can’t really tell me that those ugly hockey boots are the superior model?”

Maria’s about to tease back, but the gates are opened and kids begin to wobble onto the ice. Her eyes instantly track to find Joseph. He’s clinging to the side of the rink, his legs slipping across the ice in all directions. “Hey, Jo,” calls Maria, trying not to laugh. “Need a hand?”

“Yes please,” he says, nodding fervently. “How are you so good at this?”

Maria skates over to him, taking his hands and skating backwards in front of him. “About ten years of practice will do the trick.”

“Did Mum teach you?”

Maria is silent, the noise of the other kids seeming faded underneath the scratch of her skates on the ice. “Yeah. She took me to the rink a few times, when she was pregnant with you. She’s why I wanted to skate.”

“I miss her, Ria,” whispers Joseph. 

“Me too, buddy.” Maria abruptly spins in a tight circle, letting go of Joseph’s hands. “But come on, let’s not be sad. Let’s have fun! I’ll teach you to go fast, like a real hockey player.”

Joseph’s face lights up. “I’d like that!”

Showing him the motions to make with his feet, she grabs one of his hands and they begin skating slowly around the rink. Slowly, they pick up speed, going faster until Maria thinks maybe he’s ready to let go. Not taking her eyes off him, she gently releases her grip on his hand. He stays upright, and Maria doesn’t think he’s even noticed she’s not there any more. She smiles, proud of her little brother, and suddenly something collides with her and her knee buckles and she’s kneeling on the ice with a thud. 

The breath is knocked out of her, and for a second it’s hot, too hot, and there’s sand in her eyes and wet in her hair but she shakes her head tightly and the ice is cold under her palms and someone’s saying something.

“...sorry, Maria, oh goodness, I’m so sorry, are you okay?” It’s the little English girl. Jemma.

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” Maria forces a smile and gets to her feet. She holds out a hand to help Jemma up. “Don’t worry about it, honestly. I’m a hockey player. I’ve had much worse. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think so.” Jemma pats herself down in a way that’s almost comical. “A little sore, but that’s to be expected.” There’s a small crowd around them now — Joseph’s come over with the other British kid, and Natasha’s hovering just by the edge.

“Everything’s okay, nobody’s hurt,” calls Maria in an effort to dispel the crowd. They begin to disperse, and the curly boy comes over to hug Jemma.

“You should be more careful,” he scolds.

“It’s okay, no harm done,” says Maria, taking Jemma’s hand and squeezing it.

“Come on, Leo, Joseph,” says Jemma. “Let’s keep skating.” She takes a hand each and they skate off. Maria huffs a laugh, and swipes a stray wisp of hair out of her mouth. Natasha glides up.

“That was quite a tumble. I’m getting the feeling you’re a little accident-prone,” she teases.

Maria blanches. “I— it wasn’t my fault.”

“No, I know that,” says Natasha at once. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to imply… You’re a great skater. I’m not just saying that, I’ve seen your technique. It’s very graceful, for a hockey player.”

“That would be because I wasn’t always a hockey player.” Maria allows herself to open up a little. “I trained as a figure skater when I was a kid, ice dance, but I quit when they told me I was too tall and stocky to ever be successful.”

“Ouch.” Natasha’s face is genuinely sympathetic. “That sucks.”

“I always liked going fast more than doing the fancy turns,” says Maria. “I enjoy hockey more than I ever did ice dance.”

“Well, um,” begins Natasha. “You know I’m Clara in our show.” Maria nods. “I have a few pairs dances, with Tony. And I’ve never skated in a pair before. If— if you have experience, maybe you could help me. We could practice together?”

Maria can’t deny that she likes that idea. She’s always been a little awkward with most of the other skaters at the rink, and she decides it’s about time to start engaging. And something feels right about starting with Natasha. 

“I’d like that. It sounds really nice.”


	4. feet touching feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria’s been alone for a while. But something makes her feel like friends might not be so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get a load of new characters for you guys! And a few more Agents of SHIELD cameos too :)

“Hi, Maria,” calls Bobbi. She’s standing by the notice board with three of the other girls on the team. Maria waves back, like she does every time, but this time, she walks over to talk to them. Bobbi does a very good job of hiding her surprise.

“What are you looking at?” Maria asks. Bobbi gestures at the board.

“The board of the figure skaters who tried out for the Four Continents,” explains Sharon.

“We’re all nosy as hell,” adds Carol. “And we want to know who qualified.”

“These are mostly Phil and May’s people, right?” Maria asks. Sharon nods. “Vic, you’re getting in on this?”

Victoria, the team captain, just huffs. Bobbi slings her arm around her. “More like she’s putting up with us while we get it out of our system,” she laughs.

Maria finally looks at the board. She knows at least twenty skaters tried out for the Four Continents competition, but it looks like only very few got in. Maria counts seven total skaters - three individual figure skaters, a pair, and an ice dance pair. Maria skims the list for the one name she cares about.

_Natasha Romanoff - qualified._

“What are you smiling at?” Carol asks, nudging Maria in the ribs. 

“My friend. She got in.” Maria rolls her eyes to try and hide her pleasure. “Yeah, I know, I’m friends with a figure skater. I’m a traitor.”

“Exactly what I was going to say,” says Sharon. “You know we have an ongoing war with them. Vic, are you going to put up with this?”

“Oh, no,” says Victoria, holding her hands up. “I’m not getting involved. The boys’ team and the male skaters have their war, you can get as involved as you like, but I’m staying out of it.”

“You’re no fun, Vic,” complains Bobbi. The others begin to leave, but she turns to Maria. “Do you want to come and change with us? It’s okay if you’d rather not, but I wanted you to know you have the option. We like you, you know.”

Maria smiles hesitantly at the younger girl. “Thank you for the offer, and it’s nice to know you care, but large changing rooms can be a little…” She searches for the right word, but settles for a not-quite-there one. “Overwhelming. And I’d really rather limit the number of people who have to see me half-naked.”

Bobbi laughs. “Yeah, I get it. Okay.” She turns to go, but pauses. “Some of us are grabbing coffee after training. Do you want to come?”

Maria starts. “I, uh, I’d have to check that my brother can make arrangements. But if he can, then…” She smiles a little. “Yeah. That sounds nice.”

“Okay, cool! You have my number.” The two turn opposite ways, Maria heading to her own changing room, as usual. She hesitates in the doorway. Her regular bench lies tantalisingly across the room, about as far from the door as you can get. But for some reason, she’s not entirely sure why, Maria places her bag on the bench that stretches across the middle of the room. She swallows, unsure of herself. Telling herself that it’s too late to switch now, she sits down and begins to lace her hockey skates over her boots. She switches her top, pulls on her jumper, pausing for a second to admire the large number 5 embroidered on it, and the word HILL large on the back, and hobbles out on her blades to join her friends on the ice. 

Maria almost hopes Natasha is in the changing room when she gets out. She’s still not entirely used to having someone else in the room, someone else potentially seeing all her scars, but now that she knows Natasha has scars of her own, she’s somehow a little more at ease. Maria had looked up at one point during practice, seen Joseph’s tiny figure waving through the huge window, and had almost thought she’d seen a flash of red hair before the puck whistled by her and she had to put her head down and chase it. She doesn’t know why she likes the idea of Natasha being there. Natasha confuses her.

Pushing open the door to the changing room, she freezes. Not only is Natasha there, she’s placed her belongings on the same bench as Maria’s. She doesn’t know why she’s startled. This was her plan, by moving her things. Getting physically, and potentially emotionally, closer to Natasha. So Maria reasons that this is good, and goes over to sit on the bench next to Natasha.

She unlaces her boots quietly, feeling awkward. Luckily, Natasha is willing to talk.

“I saw your brother leaving with the kid who works at the cafe,” she remarks. “Isn’t he waiting for you?”

So she had been watching. “I’m going out with some friends,” explains Maria. “Joseph needed a way to get home. He’s going to hang out with Jemma and Leo, and then I’ll pick him up later.” Maria kicks her boots off, damp socked toes resting on the floor. Natasha’s body is angled towards her, and their knees are close together. Maria turns to grab her jumper from the hook, and doesn’t turn all the way back, facing Natasha and letting her knee touch hers.

“You have friends?” asks Natasha jokingly, her cheeks slightly pinker than Maria thinks they usually are. Maybe she’s trying a new blusher. “What happened to the grumpy lady in changing room five?”

“Oh, don’t worry, she’s still there.” Maria mock-frowns. “Yeah. I’m going out for coffee with some of the girls on the team.”

“Oh, a great Washington Shields field trip,” says Natasha. “I see now.”

“If you can count Starbucks as a field trip,” says Maria, tilting her head. “Bobbi invited me. She’s our goalie. She’s really good, and kind of young. She’ll probably be captain some day.”

“I never know,” muses Natasha. “Is captain based on age or experience?”

“Neither and both,” admits Maria. “I think it’s mostly just based on who Fury thinks would be a good leader. Vic’s our current captain, and she is the oldest, but Carol’s been here for absolutely ages. I think Fury thinks she’s too immature.” She pauses to think. “She probably is too immature.”

“Fair enough,” laughs Natasha. “And you?”

“Oh, I’ve only been here for about a year,” dismisses Maria. “And I’ve only really been playing hockey for about a year. I won’t be captain.”

“You never know,” shrugs Natasha. “I’d make you captain.”

Maria shakes her head in disbelief. “Why on Earth would you do that?”

Natasha moves a little closer, their feet touching. “You’re brave, confident, and strong.” Maria makes to disagree, but Natasha shushes her. “You’re pretty awesome. I think you’d be a great captain.”


	5. oh, you and i

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nat and Maria have a conversation about their scars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for discussions of abuse, military PTSD, and panic attacks.

“Are you going for coffee again with your team?” asks Natasha. “I didn’t see Joseph at all in the café.”

“Yeah, he’s with Jemma and Leo again. I had a really good time last week. A few of the girls went, and even a couple of the more tolerable guys.”

“I heard that the male skaters have a war with the men’s hockey team,” comments Natasha. 

“Yeah,” laughs Maria. “Steve and Tony have an ongoing rivalry. I don’t think it’s really anything serious, but it’s amusing all the same. The girls were saying I’m a traitor for being your friend.”

“Well, that’s rubbish,” says Natasha indignantly. “You said I was your friend?”

“Yeah,” admits Maria, a little flustered. “I was telling them how proud I was that my friend got into Four Continents.” She pauses. “I am, by the way. Proud.”

“Thank you,” says Natasha modestly. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“Do you know the other skaters going? I saw Tony, and I recognised Hope’s name, but none of the others.”

“Skye is Phil’s little protégée,” explains Natasha. “She’s only sixteen, but she’s very good. Darren is Hope’s ice dance partner — he’s arrogant and stupid, and she deserves so much better. Wanda and Pietro are the twins. They skate together. It’s insane how coordinated they are.”

Maria hums in interest, pulling her shirt off hesitantly. She stands in her blue sports bra, and she knows they’ve undressed together before, but they’re closer now, and Maria’s almost afraid of what Natasha can now clearly see.

“That’s a bullet wound.” Natasha’s voice is quiet, and sounds almost ashamed. “I wasn’t going to bring it up, but— it’s a bullet wound.”

“Yes.” Maria dislikes her scars. She feels like other people see them, and come to one of two conclusions. She’s weak; or she’s a hero. Maria is not a hero. And she desperately wants not to be weak. “It’s nothing, really.” But her tone isn’t cold. It’s not _try and keep talking and you’ll regret it_. Natasha has never once looked at her differently. Not after learning about her disabled brother. Not after learning she was in the army. Maria’s not naïve enough to think nothing in her past will make her look at her differently. But maybe this won’t.

“I’m assuming that’s Afghanistan?”

“Yeah. I ended up basically a bag of bullets and bones and not much else.” Her words are humorous, but she’s not laughing. The scar Natasha can see is on the back of her left shoulder, visible beneath her bra strap. Maria turns around awkwardly, showing Natasha another scar on her abdomen and burns trailing up her side. “There’s another one on my leg.” Her left arm also has a couple of thin scars on it. Maria hates it, but if you look close enough, the arm itself is off. Her arms have been broken more times than she can count, and they haven’t always set right.

Natasha breathes out. She pulls her own shirt over her head, twisting her body to display the crossed scars Maria had noticed before. “I grew up in an orphanage,” she explains. “They— they taught us to fight, and to steal. With consequences if we got it wrong.”

“Jesus,” whispers Maria. “That’s awful.”

“Yeah. Pretty awful.” Natasha is silent. “If we’re turning this into ‘airing all our dirty laundry’ time, what about those on your arm?”

Maria’s right arm is dotted with tiny burns, and a thin line of scar tissue across the top of her arm. She’s about to snap at Natasha, tell her to leave it alone, but she stops herself. Natasha has trusted her. And… Maria’s never told anyone any of this, except the army-issued therapist she had to see after being discharged. Maybe it would be good to get it off her chest. 

“Cigarettes,” she says shortly, pointing at the small circular burns, and then at the line. “Broken vodka bottle.”

“God.” Nat shakes her head. “We’re quite a pair, aren’t we?”

Despite herself, Maria laughs. “Yeah.” She fingers the army cap in her bag. “I joined the army at sixteen. Anything to get away from him.”

“And Joseph?” Nat asks. Maria shakes her head.

“He never hurt Joseph.” She chuckles dryly. “Guess he had it out for me.”

“I’m sorry.” Maria hates hearing that. But it doesn’t feel pitying, for once. Just genuine. “Why did you leave the army?”

“Yeah, no,” says Maria, tears becoming a very real possibility now. “That’s for a different time.”

“Okay,” says Natasha easily. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I just… I like being your friend. I don’t want to ruin it just yet.” Maria turns away, fiddling with her shirt. 

“Nothing could ruin that for me, Maria,” says Nat gently. “I like being your friend too. Nothing you’ve done in the past could change that.” She pauses, laughing. “Well, unless you murdered someone.”

Maria feels a sob bubble up in her throat and sits down hard on the bench, tears dripping down her cheeks.

“God, that was insensitive,” says Nat, concern and guilt in her eyes. “Shit, I’m sorry, Maria. Hey, talk to me, okay, Masha? You’re my friend, no matter what. I think you’re really brave, and strong, and you’re amazing, no matter what you’ve done in the past.” Nat crouches in front of Maria. “Are you okay with being touched right now?”

Maria shakes her head violently. She’s teetering on the edge of a panic attack right now, and unexpected touches are a one-track way to total panic. Nat, though, seems okay with that.

“I’m here, okay, Masha? You’re at the Shield Rink, it’s 2004, you’re safe. What can I do?” Nat seems genuinely concerned, genuinely trying to help. Maria swallows. 

“I’m okay,” she manages. “It’s okay.” She gives a wet laugh. “God, I’m a mess. I don’t normally do this.”

“That’s okay,” says Nat, almost looking surprised. “Hey, we’ve been friends for three months now. You can… you can open up to me. I want to help you with whatever you’ll let me. You’re not a mess. You’ve been through a lot. I think you’re really strong.”

Maria scoffs, turning her head. But she looks back at Nat’s face, and relents. “Okay. I— I’ve never told anyone this before.” She winces. “That sounds so stupid.”

“Not at all.” Nat reaches out halfway to taking Maria’s hand, letting Maria move her own hand the rest of the way to hold it. “Hey, I’m pretty messed up too. We can be here for each other, okay, Masha?”

“Okay.” Maria pauses, tilting her head. “Why do you keep calling me that?”

“What, Masha? Oh. It’s, uh, a Russian nickname for Maria. I can stop, if you like.” Nat looks a little embarrassed.

“No, I— I like it.” Maria smiles, squeezing Nat’s hand. “And— being here for each other. I like that too.”


	6. safe from the world, though the world will try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria and Nat sneak into the rink late at night and have a heartfelt conversation about their demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for discussions of abuse.

“It’s so late, Maria.” Nat looks around in bemusement at the darkened rink. “We are so not allowed to be here.”

“Isn’t that the beauty?” teases Maria. Nat just looks at her in horror. “Don’t worry. Sharon’s cousin runs the rink. I got her to agree to give me a key to practice at nights about half a year ago. I’ve just never showed anybody else before.”

“I had been wondering about the secret to your talent,” jokes Nat. “This makes so much sense.”

“Ha ha,” says Maria dryly. “Seriously, though. It’s beautiful at night.” She flips a single switch on the wall, and the twinkling lights around the wall of the ice come on, casting beams of light that reflect off the ice.

“Oh,” whispers Nat. “It’s gorgeous.”

Maria looks over at her wondering look, and smiles. She takes Nat’s hand and they glide onto the ice together. Maria spins them around in a circle.

“I’ve always felt so invulnerable on the ice,” confesses Maria. “Like my demons can’t hurt me out here, cause they don’t have ice skates.”

Nat laughs. The sound echoes in the empty room and bounces off the walls.

“It helped that my dad didn’t have ice skates either,” Maria admits. “Training was six hours a week he couldn’t even get near me. I could go as fast as I liked, and maybe if I worked hard enough, I could go fast enough to leave it all behind.” She pauses, raising her eyebrows wryly. “And if I got hurt, it was my own fault, and my own choice.”

Natasha skates around the edge of the rink, twisting into a graceful jump. “I envy that, honestly.” She’s quiet for a moment. “Skating wasn’t my choice. One of the instructors at the orphanage — it was called the Red Room — she was an ice skating coach. She taught me from the age of four. It was never an escape for me. It was just another way for them to force me to do something for their profit.” She lifts her body into a tight spin. “I left when I was sixteen. I came here, changed my name, and I decided that I was going to skate for me and nobody else. I took Phil as a coach, but he’s always understood that it’s been my choice to be here. I reclaimed it.”

“You changed your name?” 

Natasha curtseys gracefully. “Meet Natalia Alianovna Romanova.”

“Natalia,” Maria repeats, trying it out. “Talia.”

Natasha stops abruptly, sending up a spray of ice. “Talia?”

Maria nods, a small smile spreading across her face. “Like, a nickname.” At Natasha’s surprised expression, she tilts her head. “Didn’t anyone ever give you a nickname?”

“I… I suppose not,” concedes Natasha. “My coach called me her черная вдова. Her black widow.”

“That’s hardly a nickname,” declared Maria. “That’s more like an alias. You can have Nat. And Talia.”

Nat smiles slowly. “I like that.” She jumps across the ice. “Nat. Talia.”

Maria laughs. “Hey, were you going to teach me the Nutcracker pairs dances, then? So I can practice with you?”

“Oh, yeah.” Nat skates over to Maria, placing her hand on her shoulder. “You have to hold my waist.”

“Your waist?” repeats Maria, feeling her cheeks flush.

“Yes, my waist. You have to be the man, the leader,” instructs Nat.

“Yeah, I don’t really go for the whole ‘the man’s the leader’ thing,” admits Maria. “I’ve always been just fine leading myself.”

“Well then, it’s a good thing you’re the one doing the leading.” Nat twirls them around the ice. Maria can’t help but remember some of these moves, her ice dance days providing her with muscle memories she didn’t remember she had. “I like doing this with you better than with Tony.”

“I can imagine!” Maria laughs, exhaling sharply. “I’ve heard he doesn’t play well with others.”

“You don’t know the half of it,” complains Natasha. “Him and Steve have been fighting for absolute years.”

“I think they need to just get over themselves,” says Maria frankly. “This whole rivalry is just trumped up boys’ egos, and the whole rink is being dragged into it.”

“Egos, huh?” Nat raises an eyebrow. “That’s an interesting take on it.”

“Oh, come on. All men think about is how to look more macho to other men. I just want to be allowed to be friends with figure skaters too.” Maria glances into Natasha’s green eyes, and finds she doesn’t want to look away. “This is a really nice routine.”

“May choreographed it,” nods Nat. “She’s amazing. Phil is too, but he’s much better at singles. There’s a reason they split the best skaters up between them.”

“Yeah.” Maria spins Natasha under her arm. “Tell me about the other skaters, then?”

“Tony’s a bit of an idiot,” begins Nat. “But he’s alright really. His best friend is Bruce, who’s doing a PhD in something too sciency for me to understand. Wanda and Pietro are nice, they’re twins from Sokovia who skate together — they’re almost creepy, really. And you know Hope, I think. Her partner’s Darren, but she deserves so much better than him. I’m hoping someone new will come along and give her a better shot.”

“I think Hope fancies one of the guys on the hockey team,” adds Maria. “Scott. He’s dumb, but he’s got a good heart.”

Nat nods. “I suppose there’s something sweet about those kinds of men.”

Maria swallows. “I don’t really think there’s much sweet about any kind of man.”

They come to a halt on the ice, Natasha looking up at Maria. “You’re a lesbian?”

“Completely,” says Maria, breathing in deeply. “Is— is that okay?”

“Okay?” repeats Nat. “Of course. I’m bisexual, so it really doesn’t matter to me.”

“Okay,” says Maria, breathing out. “Okay.”

“Come here, Masha,” says Nat, pulling Maria into a hug. Maria wraps her arms around the smaller woman, the two of them gliding aimlessly on the ice.

“This is nice,” murmurs Maria. 

“Yeah,” agrees Nat. “The ice rink looks so different.”

Maria is silent for a moment, then decides there’s no better time to be honest. 

“Everything is different with you.”


	7. i’m afraid of the things in my brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nat texts Maria late at night. Neither of them can sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for non-graphic descriptions of what the Red Room made Nat do.

Maria rolls over in bed, sighing. There’s a chink of light spilling into her room from the ajar door, and it’s distracting. She shuffles, tugging her pillow over her eyes. God, this is annoying. She’d long ago learnt to be able to sleep anywhere, and had more than once slept standing up while on patrol. But now, her bed feels too soft and the silence is unnerving. 

She gets up out of bed, padding downstairs in socked feet to make a cup of coffee. A logical part of her brain tells her that caffeine isn’t exactly going to help her insomnia, but she overrides it. She probably won’t get to sleep tonight. Caffeine can’t possibly _hurt_. Maria grabs the mug -- something Joseph had bought her years ago, with a blue eagle on the side -- and heads back upstairs, pausing to push Joseph’s door open a crack. She peeks in. He’s sleeping calmly, looking years younger in his sleep. She breathes out softly. 

Joseph is five years younger than her, and when he was born, she would have traded a stupid baby brother for her mom’s life in a heartbeat. But Maria has never been ashamed of Joseph. There had always been kids who’d tease him, calling him deformed or dumb, but she’d always stand up for him, no matter what. 

Their dad had hit him, once. Maria had screamed at him, punched him, and gone upstairs with a broken arm to call social services. She put up with a lot from her dad, but that night, he crossed a line. Maria joined the army a week later, vowing to learn to protect all the Josephs of the world who couldn’t protect themselves. She still regrets leaving Joseph to foster care, but she couldn’t face him. Not after she’d failed to protect him.

Joseph forgave her for leaving. Of course he did. He’s her little brother, and he thinks she hung the moon and stars. But Maria’s never going to leave him again. Not for as long as she lives.

She goes back into her bedroom and grabs her phone from her nightstand. Its harsh light illuminates her face, and she winces.

She has a text from Natasha. She blinks at the phone in confusion.

_Are you awake?_

She texts back quickly.

_yeah. everything okay?_

_Can’t sleep._

_me neither. just restless, i think._

_I had a nightmare._

_about the orphanage?_

_Yeah._

_do you want to talk about it?_

_Well, I’m not going to get back to sleep for a while._

Maria sits down on the bed, pulling the jumper next to her bed over her body. She picks Natasha’s name out of her contacts and presses ‘call’.

“Maria?” Nat’s voice is quiet, and sounds a little strained.

“Hey, Talia.” Maria tries to sound as gentle as she can. Nat’s been wonderful at being there for Maria, and she wants to try her absolute best to be almost as wonderful for her. “Do you want to talk?”

“You’d really do that for me? It’s three in the morning, Masha.”

“I was awake anyway,” shrugs Maria. “I’m here for you, no matter what.”

“That’s-- nobody’s ever done that for me before,” whispers Natasha. She sounds choked up, and Maria feels something tug at her chest.

“Well, I’ll be the first of many then.” She tries to make her voice determined, because she is determined. 

“I have to be quiet not to wake my roommates,” says Nat. “Melina’s a light sleeper.”

“If you’d rather text…” Maria trails off, carefully letting Natasha make her own decision.

“No,” says Nat, straight away. “I like talking to you. Knowing you’re here.”

“That’s good,” says Maria, smiling. “Cause I am. Can you tell me about what woke you up?”

Nat is quiet for a second. “I was at the orphanage. It was early, I think-- I was young. Maybe eight? They were teaching us to fight for them-- eight was when we started weapons training. They gave me a knife and told me to kill this man. He probably turned on them, maybe tried to report them. I don’t know. I-- I didn’t know how--” Nat breaks off, and Maria can hear the tears in her voice.

“It’s okay, Talia. If you need to stop, stop.”

“No, I-- God, I have to tell someone.” Maria hears an inrush of breath. “I didn’t know how you were supposed to do it. He lay there for about an hour, bleeding out slowly. He was in agony, Masha. I tortured him.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Talia,” says Maria. “You were just a child. You couldn’t have possibly done anything. They would have killed you if you hadn’t done it.”

“He was in so much pain,” breaths Natasha. “I can see him, every time I close my eyes.”

“Hey, Nat,” says Maria soothingly. “Sometimes-- sometimes we do things because other people tell us it’s the right thing to do. Those people manipulated you, Talia, and the things you did while you were with them are their fault, not yours. And the fact that you feel guilty about it now just proves that you’re a really good person now.”

“I’m not a good person, Maria,” chokes Natasha. “I’m a monster.”

“No, you are not a monster,” says Maria firmly. “You are a wonderful, kind, caring human being who was treated really badly in the past, but you’re so much more than that. You’re a good person.”

“I want to believe you,” whispers Nat.

“It’s okay,” says Maria softly. “I know it’s hard. But I’ll keep telling you until you can believe it, okay? You’re more than your past.”

Natasha is silent for a moment. “Thank you, Maria.”

Maria’s taken aback. “For what?”

“For caring enough about me to do this.”

“Of course.” Maria lets out a breath. “Are you feeling a little better now?”

“A little, yeah,” admits Nat. 

“Ready to go to sleep?”

“Maybe not quite.” Natasha sounds unsure, like she’s afraid Maria will be annoyed.

“That’s okay,” promises Maria. “We can just talk, if you like. Or just exist together. I can stay as long as you need me.”


	8. but we can stay here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria brings Nat to coffee with her hockey friends, and they corrupt her into their shenanigans. Meanwhile, Maria meets some kids that could use her help.

“I promise, they’re going to love you. I know I do.” Maria realises what she’s said, and panics a little. “Uh, I mean, you’re my friend. They know that. They’ll like you too.”

“I hope so,” says Nat warily. “I mean, I know you said the girls don’t really care so much about the rivalry, but it’s a pretty big thing.”

“Well,” Maria begins, lowering her voice. “I’m pretty sure Vic has a girlfriend, and she’s not telling us who it is, but I swear I’ve seen her around while your show is rehearsing, so I think it’s someone in your cast.”

Nat gasps theatrically. “The captain of the hockey team has fallen for one of the figure skaters? How amusingly Shakespearean.”

Maria laughs, wrapping her scarf around her neck. “Come on. I’ll drive you?”

“Sounds great.” 

The car drive is a little awkward to begin with, but Maria turns on the Bluetooth and the last song she was listening to starts playing. She inhales sharply and quickly presses fast forward, but it’s too late.

“Oh my god,” laughs Nat. “You like MCR. You were listening to MCR! Could you be any more nineties emo?”

“I am not emo,” says Maria firmly, trying to hide the blush in her cheeks. “This is discrimination, Nat.”

“I’m never going to get over this.” Nat’s smiling wider than Maria thinks she’s ever seen her smile, and despite her embarrassment, it’s kind of nice.

“Nat,” she whines. “Please don’t tell.”

“Oh, what a first impression that would be,” gasps Nat. “Hi, Maria’s friends, guess what?”

“Noooo!” Maria moans, hitting Nat’s arm. “Please.” She glances away from parking the car for a moment, making the best begging eyes she can manage. “They can never know.”

Nat laughs, making a mock-sympathetic face. “Okay, Masha. My lips are sealed.” 

Opening the door for Nat, Maria bows. “I am much obliged to you.”

Nat and Maria join the line for coffee, Maria spotting her friends out of the corner of her eye. They’re talking amongst themselves, but Sharon has her eye on Maria. Natasha turns to Maria, a worried expression appearing on her face. Maria holds her finger to Natasha’s lips.

“Don’t try to get out of this. Trust me. They’ll love you.”

Nat makes a face, but turns back to the barista, a pretty young girl whose name-tag reads ‘Karolina’. “I’ll have a mocha, please.”

Karolina nods, then leans over the counter. “Hey, have I seen you around the rink?”

Nat looks surprised. “Probably. I skate there. My name’s Natasha?”

“Oh my stars, like the Natasha Romanoff that got into Four Continents?” The girl is starstruck. “I work here so I can pay for lessons. I so want to be you when I’m older.”

“Not that much older,” laughs Maria, putting her arm around Nat. “I’m Maria.”

“Hi. I’m Karo. Also, can I just say how nice it is to see you being so proud? I’m gay too, I have a girlfriend at DCU.”

Maria smiles at the girl, a little confused. Karolina hands them their drinks, and they walk towards Maria’s friends. Nat murmurs quietly, “Is it the way I dress?”

“I have no idea.” Maria waves at the girls, and sits down. “Hey, guys. This is the friend I told you about. Nat?”

Nat waves awkwardly.

“Ah, yes,” hums Sharon. “The figure skater.”

“Never took you for a traitor, Hill.” Carol shoots a mock-glare at Maria.

Victoria rolls her eyes. “I’m Victoria. Nice to meet you, Natasha. I’ve heard great things.” She sticks out her hand for Nat to shake, which she does. Nat glances at Maria, as if to ask, _What have you told her?_ Maria just shrugs.

“Bobbi,” adds Bobbi, smiling. “I guess you can’t be too bad if Maria likes you.”

“You know we’ll never hear the end of this from Steve, right?” Sharon asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Please, just because you have a crush on him,” teases Carol. Maria can’t be sure, but she thinks she sees Bobbi wince almost imperceptibly. “I’m Carol. This doofus is Sharon. Her cousin runs the whole rink.”

“Wow,” says Natasha. “I wasn’t aware I was in the presence of royalty.” Sharon laughs, and the slight tension is broken.

“Peg’s all right. She broke her ankle a couple years back, could never skate the same way again. So she opened up a rink instead. It gives her a way to still mess about on the ice without messing her ankle up more.” Sharon shrugs. “She’s a pretty cool cousin to have.”

“I can imagine,” nods Natasha. “You must get away with so much.”

“How did you know she was the rule-breaking type?” asks Carol. “You’re totally spot on.”

“Only cause you’re such a bad influence,” puts in Bobbi. “Honestly, the five of us are the great shame of the rink. I expect you heard about the great zamboni debacle?”

“Yeah, someone put jelly in the zambonis and made the whole Delta rink look like a crime scene,” says Nat. “That was you?”

“It was Carol’s idea,” defends Maria.

“It was my idea,” agrees Carol, looking proud. “Sharon’s just as cheeky as me, only she gets away with it better. Bob secretly loves it, Maria’s the long-suffering brains of the operation, and Vic makes sure we don’t do anything illegal.”

“Actually, there’s one member of the team we could do with,” adds Sharon. 

“Really?” Victoria asks dryly. “You’ve got the boring, the brains, the innocent, the spy, and the brawns. What else could you possibly need?”

There’s a glint in Sharon’s eye. “An inside man. We’re planning on putting green hair dye in the male skaters’ changing room showers. Do you want to help us make Tony Stark look like even more of an idiot?”

Natasha laughs. “God, I so shouldn’t go along with this.”

“But…” wheedles Bobbi.

“But yes, I do. I’ll help. Just tell me what you need me to do.”

“Maria?” Bobbi turns to her side. “Brains time.”

Maria sighs, a smile creeping onto her face. “Work the boys really hard at your next Thursday rehearsal,” she instructs. “Get them sweaty, so they’ll need a shower afterwards. The girls and I can sneak in and plant the dye while you’re in practice.”

“And if there’s anyone you’d rather not look like they have cress on their head, you may warn them,” says Victoria. “Bruce, for instance. He’s not a total lost cause.” Vic pauses, as though she’s just thought of something. “We’re not going to try this with the girls’ changing room, right?”

“Probably not,” admits Sharon. “I like Hope too much.”

“Good.” Vic looks vaguely intimidating. “Lay a hand on the girls’ showers and I’m sure somebody will make you regret it.”

Maria makes eye contact with Natasha, and they both giggle softly.

“Anybody want some cake?” asks Maria. Carol and Sharon both stick their hands in the air immediately, Bobbi sing-songs “Me please!”, and although Vic looks annoyed, she relents and puts her own hand up. “Six cakes, then. God, I regret asking.”

Maria makes her way to the counter, where a different barista with the tag ‘Chase’ is serving. She waits in line behind a girl about Joseph’s age, who’s chatting to Chase.

“Nico’s organising a sleepover for all of us tonight,” she chirps. “It’s gonna be awesome!”

“That sounds great,” agrees Chase. He glances over at where Maria is waiting. “Uh, Molls, you gonna buy anything?”

The girl looks crestfallen. “Oh. I don’t have any money, and Dale and Stacy wouldn’t let me have chocolate anyway.” She gazes wistfully at the chocolate chip cookie in the glass case. Maria feels bad, so she clears her throat.

“Uh, don’t tell Dale and Stacy, I guess,” she says, handing the girl a five dollar note.

“Oh my god! Thank you so much, Miss!” The girl is practically bouncing as she hands the money over to Chase and gives a protesting Maria back her change.

“Please, Maria is fine.” Maria smiles at the excited kid and hands Chase her money. “Six cakes, please.” She slips a couple of dollars into his tip jar and returns to the table with her goods.

“That was really sweet,” whispers Nat as she sits down. Maria glances at her.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”


	9. and laugh away the fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hockey teams hold a party to celebrate qualifying. Some unexpected guests show up, and there are several revelations about relationships.

There’s a disco ball hanging from the ceiling. Maria glances up. The ceiling has to be 20 feet above the ice, and she’s vaguely horrified at the scenarios flashing through her head of how they got it up there. Then she sees Bobbi across the ice, chatting to a man she recognises as Clint, from the men’s team. Clint. Now it makes sense. Maria hears her name being called, and turns around to see Carol waving to her. She skates over.

“Hey, Carol. I’m assuming the disco ball was Clint’s doing?”

“Who else?” Carol asks, raising her eyebrows. “Not going to lie, it may have been partly my idea. But I wasn’t climbing fifteen feet up to install it.”

“Is Peggy going to be okay with it?” Maria muses. “I can’t imagine she’s happy about the alcohol on her ice rink.”

“Oh, Peggy’s totally cool. Her girlfriend Angie even convinced her to come. She’s over there somewhere, I think.” Maria scans the rink, and true enough notices Peggy’s statement brown waves across the room. 

“Who’s this?” asks Maria, intrigued. Carol has her arm around the waist of a shorter woman with cornrows.

“I’m Val,” says the woman, waving slightly sarcastically. “I’m joining the hockey team after tonight. Carol’s my girlfriend.”

“Oh, you guys knew each other before?”

“Not at all,” grins Carol. “I met her about half an hour ago. We made out in one of the zambonis.”

Maria pulls a slight face, and Val, looking immensely pleased with herself, reaches up to kiss Carol again. “That’s my cue to leave, I think.” Maria backs out quickly, checking the ice for any of her other friends. She spots a flash of red hair, and knits her eyebrows together.

“Nat?” she asks, skating up to her. “How come you’re here?” 

The other girl turned around to face Maria. “Masha! Hi! Well, you’re not my only friend, you know. Clint invited me.”

“Are you… having a good time?” It sounds awkward when it comes out of Maria’s mouth, and she hates it.

“Yeah, pretty much. Could have more alcohol, though. Congrats, by the way. What was it, the Mid-Atlantic Women’s? Nice job qualifying.”

“Yeah,” shrugs Maria. She can’t help but feel a little proud. “Although, honestly, I think we’d take almost any opportunity to have an ice party. I think everyone loves an excuse to celebrate.”

“That makes complete sense, from what I know of the hockey teams.” Nat raises an eyebrow. “Do you know why Pepper’s here?”

Maria looks slightly taken aback. “No. I assumed you’d brought her.”

“Not me,” promises Nat. “Do you think…”

“I think there’s a reason Vic wanted to protect the women’s skaters’ showers,” supplies Maria. “God, I’m learning a lot about my teammates’ personal lives today.”

Natasha laughs, and it makes Maria feel warm, despite the cold air. “Is your coach here?”

“Fury? I highly doubt it. He doesn’t exactly seem the ‘booze after hours’ type.”

Natasha’s gaze catches on something across the rink. “Speaking of unexpected guests…”

Maria follows her eyeline to where a green-haired Tony Stark has just entered the rink. “Oh my God. It’s even better than we’d hoped.”

“What the hell, Mack?” Tony is asking. “I thought you said it was just you?”

“I’m sick and tired of this rivalry,” declares Alphonso “Mack” Mackenzie. “You and Steve are going to have a grown-up conversation, and you’re going to sort this out once and for all.” 

Maria spots Bruce, a figure skater, and Thor, who’s on the hockey team, subtly clink their glasses together, and tilts her head. “This is truly turning out to be a very interesting night.”

“Tony, I don’t want to fight any more,” admits Steve. “This started off as a joke, but it’s blown up into something dramatic and honestly just tedious. Can we just call a truce?”

“A truce?” asks Tony, a competitive glint in his eye. “Oh, no. If this war is going to end, somebody has to win it. How about a race? If you win, we can call this whole thing off. If I win, the figure skaters get to be in charge of the rink for at least a week.”

“That’s not a fair trade,” calls Scott, but Steve raises a hand.

“I’ll agree, on one condition. It’s not us that races. We each get to pick one person from our respective sides to race.”

Tony cocks his head, like he’s trying to find the hidden angle in this. “Fine,” he says reluctantly. “Hey, little pairs skater. Peter, is it?”

“It’s Pietro,” says Wanda defensively.

“You always have way too much energy. You want to race?”

“Always!” chirps Pietro. 

Steve makes eye contact with Bobbi across the rink, and she gives him a sly smile, skating up to Pietro and shaking his hand. “May the best skater win.”

The rest of the partygoers clear the rink, Maria giving Nat an amused but long-suffering look. Bobbi rubs her hands together, looking incredibly smug. Pietro just looks excited.

Peggy, who has somehow been roped into officiating, sighs. “Okay. Three times around the rink, you go when the starting pistol is fired. Ready? On your marks, set…” The pistol goes off with a bang. Maria starts, her breath quickening, but Natasha places a hand on her back and the grounding presence brings her back to the moment. She turns away briefly, counting her breaths, and turns back in surprise to hear loud whooping as Bobbi crosses the makeshift finish line. Pietro’s not far behind, but it’s a clear outcome. Tony looks horrified. 

“How—?”

Bobbi laughs, looking proud. “I used to be a speed skater. It really wasn’t a fair race. Pietro could have never hoped to beat me.”

Steve shakes Tony’s hand cordially. “No more rivalry?”

“No more rivalry,” agrees Tony instantly. “That was some win. You beat us fair and square.”

Steve shrugs. “I suppose it helped that we have a professional.” He winks at Bobbi. Sharon skates quickly out of the crowd of spectators, flinging her arms around Bobbi.

“You were amazing!” she squeals. Bobbi, for the first time since Maria’s known her, looks flustered. Sharon presses a kiss to her cheek. “I’m super proud.”

“Uhh,” murmurs Bobbi, speechless. “Thanks?”

Peggy blows a whistle, drawing everyone’s attention back to her. “Okay, the race is over, but the party’s not. Hopefully we can get back to a relative normal for the rest of tonight.” She turns and drops her voice to say something to Angie, who’s standing next to her. Angie smiles.

“We’re gonna head out,” she calls. “Peg’s leaving Steve over here in charge of cleaning up after.”

“There’s a lesson at eight thirty,” adds Peggy. “If I see any sign that there was a party here, I’ll put you all on teenager duty.”

Maria pulls a face at Nat. “Peg puts people on duty helping out with the teenagers’ lessons and free skates when they annoy her. It’s a much worse punishment than it sounds.”

Nat raises her eyebrows. “That does sound… challenging.”

Maria shrugs, biting her lip and winding her arm around Natasha’s waist. “We’ve still got a couple hours before this party winds down. Let’s just enjoy ourselves and have fun for a while.”


	10. numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They spend a day at the rink, and something goes very wrong on the way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for non-graphic descriptions of flashbacks/an accident and vague discussions of bad home situations.

Maria laughs wildly, Joseph holding onto her hands, the two of them spinning around in dizzy circles. 

“This is fun!” Joseph gasps, grinning widely. “This is really fun!” Jemma skates by them, much more confident now. 

“Come on, Joseph! Leo and I are going to play tag.” 

Joseph lets go of Maria’s hands slowly, skating up to give her a hug before rushing off. A tall blonde girl she vaguely recognises approaches Maria.

“You’re Maria, right?” she asks. “Uh, I’m Karolina. We met at the coffee shop?”

“Of course,” smiles Maria. “Nice to see you again.”

“You too,” says Karolina. “Molly told me you gave her money to buy a cookie. That was really nice of you. I wanted to thank you.”

“Oh, it was nothing, really,” defers Maria, wondering why all these kids are so grateful for three dollars and twenty cents. 

“It meant a lot to her. Molly’s like my little sister, and what you did made her really happy. Her parents don’t let her have sweet things, so it was really nice.” Karolina shrugs self-consciously. “Dale and Stacy are pretty much the best of our parents, anyway.”

Maria can feel a concerned look creeping onto her face, and something is tight in her stomach. “Are you all right? How… how many of you are there?”

Karolina suddenly looks afraid. “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this. You’re practically a stranger.”

“A very nice stranger, though,” jokes Maria. Her face grows serious. “Look, I had a pretty bad time of it with my dad, growing up. If you’re in a bad situation, I want to help.” She pauses, knowing she’s spilling her life story to an eighteen year old. “I want to give you the help I wish I’d had.”

Karolina is quiet for a moment, then suddenly hugs Maria tightly. It takes her by surprise, but she gently hugs her back. “We’re all okay, I think. Safe, I mean. But knowing that someone… has our backs? It means a lot. Thank you, Maria.”

“You can call me if you need me, okay?” offers Maria, scribbling her phone number on a scrap of paper from her pocket and handing it to Karolina. She glances over at where Joseph is chatting to Molly. He wobbles over.

“Hey, Maria. Molly says she and her friends are having a sleepover tonight, and they said that Jemma and Leo and I can come! Is it okay? Please!” He looks so desperately hopeful that Maria can’t refuse him.

“Sure, buddy. If they’re okay to let you ride with them, I can go home and get some pyjamas for you.”

“Thank you!” Joseph hugs Maria, spinning around with her. “Best big sister ever.”

Maria laughs, messing his hair up. “Go on. Go have fun.”

Nat skates over as Joseph moves away, smiling at Maria. “If you want to take my car, I can drop Joseph off and get half-price on the car wash on 51st on the way back,” she offers with a smirk. Maria returns the smile. 

“That sounds great. You know my car is always filthy. Thank you, Nat.”

“Eh, no worries,” Nat says. “I know the owner. He loves me.”

“You know everyone,” teases Maria. “Half the rink loves you. You’re like the mastermind of the rink.”

“Yeah, and I don’t see you complaining,” laughs Nat. “I got your brother and all his friends in for a free hockey lesson because Sharon owes me from setting her up with that guy.”

“Yeah, but it was me who actually taught the lesson — you only got the rink for free for a couple of hours. And besides, I don’t think it was actually a good idea to set her up with him. Tell me you’ve noticed Bobbi pining for her?”

“Of course I’ve noticed! And Sharon’s totally into her too. I set up the date so Sharon realises how much she’d rather be with Bobbi.”

“Oh, so you’re the matchmaker of the rink as well as the mastermind?” asks Maria, laughing.

“Absolutely. I’ve been working on a little side project too— one of my skaters has a huge crush and I’m going to make it happen.” Maria raises an eyebrow, searching for further details. “Nope. Attorney-client confidentiality.”

“Seriously?” cried Maria, letting out a short laugh. “Wow.” She shook her head. “Anyway, I should get going.” 

Nat tossed Maria her keys, and Maria caught them with a wave of thanks. “Stop by my place afterwards?”

“Of course.”

Natasha’s car is small and orange. Maria’s not entirely comfortable with the amount of leg-room Nat has — Maria’s legs are much longer than Nat’s, and she’s slightly cramped. Maria’s house is about twenty minutes away, and she allows her mind to slightly wander as she drives. 

Nat’s car isn’t exactly what Maria had expected. It’s bright and old, and if Maria didn’t know better, she might think it had been passed down through a family. But, Maria thinks, Nat is an enigma. And this car is just another layer to the mystery that is Natasha Romanoff.

And there’s something compelling about the mystery. Maria finds herself drawn to Nat, hoping to discover more about her. The more time Maria spends with Natasha, the more time she wants to spend with her. Nat makes Maria feel safe. Nat makes Maria feel wanted. Like she’s not alone any more.

Maria realises her cheeks are pink, and she takes a deep breath. There’s a silver car in the mirror with a license plate she doesn’t recognise, with small letters and larger numbers, and a green Beetle in the lane in front of her. She shakes her head, reminding herself of where she is. New York isn’t going to explode, or erupt into gunfire. Nat isn’t going anywhere. Maria is allowed to make friends now, because she’s not going to lose them. 

But there’s a crash, and Maria for a second thinks she’s back in Kabul, but this is different. This is real. Maria’s not disassociating, not having a flashback. The car is spinning wildly off the road and she fights with the wheel, trying desperately to regain control. She spots the silver car out of the corner of her eye, its bumper smashed, driving away. She looks around, panicked. The car slams against the railings of the motorway, an airbag bursting into Maria’s face, and then it’s hot, and there’s flashes of fire and sand and Maria doesn’t know what’s real and which way is up and when it is and she can feel herself crying but she can’t see, can’t move, and her last thought before she blacks out is of Joseph, and the pyjamas she can’t bring to him. Then the pounding in her head finally envelops her numb body and she allows herself to lose consciousness.


	11. fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria is in the hospital, and alive, and she’s fine. She’s really fine.
> 
> (She’s really not.)

Maria’s vision is blurred and her whole body is numb. She forces her eyes open, exhaling quickly at the effort it takes. 

“Maria!” Joseph hurries over and hugs her, and her body isn’t numb any more, it’s on fire and she cries out, tears pricking in her eyes. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

“It’s okay,” Maria manages. “I’m fine.”

“We were so worried,” says Joseph, tears trailing down his cheeks. “I was scared!”

“You were out for two days.” A different voice, gentle, chips in. Maria glances up to see Bobbi rubbing Joseph’s back. “The doctors said you’d be okay, but it was scary.” She picks up the clipboard at the end of the hospital bed. “You’ve got a broken arm and a dislocated knee, and a pretty bad concussion.” Bobbi looks genuinely concerned, and it suddenly hits Maria. She’s here. Bobbi came to see Maria in the hospital and looked after her little brother. She cares.

“Th-thanks.” Her voice cracks a little. “I really am fine though. When can I go?” She looks around, suddenly realising why the room feels so empty. “Did…” She breaks off.

“Nat was here up until about an hour ago,” says Bobbi, gently taking Maria’s good arm and squeezing it. “I made her go home and get a shower, and bring you some fresh clothes. She’ll be back soon. And the doctors say they want to keep you here a little while longer.” She pauses. “I should probably tell one that you’ve woken up.” She leaves, and Joseph sits carefully on the side of Maria’s bed.

“Were you here the whole time, buddy?” Maria asks.

“Yeah,” Joseph nods. “I was asleep a lot though.” He points to the flowers and cards on the bedside table. “Lots of people came by, but you were asleep.”

Maria gingerly flexes the fingers of the broken arm. Two of them are splinted together and she realises wryly that Bobbi neglected to mention the broken fingers. She reaches over with the awkward cast, picking up the nearest card. “This is from the whole hockey team,” she says, astonished. “Did they all come?”

“The nurses were very angry that they all came at once,” nods Joseph. “There’s an eight person visitor limit. So they did all the boys and then all the girls. Steve was really nice to me! And Bobbi, Sharon, Carol, and Victoria have been here a lot. Bobbi most.”

“And Nat?”

“She never left.” Joseph narrows his eyes. “Do you like Nat?”

Maria starts. “What?” She laughs. “No, of course not! She— she’s my friend.” Even as she says it, she knows Nat is more than a friend to her. Maybe… her best friend? No. That’s Bobbi. Like a sister? That feels wrong in a way she can’t describe.

“Okay,” says Joseph nonchalantly. “I like someone.”

Maria is thoroughly baffled now. “You do? Since when?”

“Since a few days ago. I like Molly. She’s pretty and she’s funny and she’s really nice. She made her sister drive us to the hospital when Nat called me.”

“She does sound nice,” says Maria, slightly amused but also vaguely proud. “Those kids are really great, bud. I’m so glad you’re making friends.”

“They left you a card as well.” Joseph picks it up and hands it to her. “And Jemma and Leo did too. And I think even scary Mr Fury left a card, but I was asleep when he came.”

Maria feels a little overwhelmed. All of those people care enough to write her a card? It’s a foreign concept to her. Last time she’d been in the hospital, she’d had three straggly desert flowers the nurse had picked outside the base. There had been nobody to call, nobody to write a card, because the only people who might have cared were dead.

“Are you okay?” Joseph asks. Maria shakes her head slightly.

“Yeah, buddy. I’m fine. I’m just not a big fan of hospitals.”

“I’m sorry.” Joseph looks sad. “We’ll try and get you out soon.”

Bobbi returns, a tall doctor in tow. “Glad to see you’re awake, Miss Hill,” the doctor says, and Maria almost doesn’t realise she’s talking to her. She’s never been Miss Hill before. It feels peculiar, and strange.

“Maria,” she says, shaking her head again. There’s a pounding in her temple and she winces. ”Thank you for taking care of me.”

“You’re very welcome,” smiles the woman. “I’m Dr Cho, and I’m going to check your vitals and make sure you’re all set to be released by the evening.”

“Thank you,” repeats Maria. She glances at the door, hoping it’ll open. Bobbi takes her hand again.

“I called her, told her you were awake. She’s on her way.”

“What?” Maria asks, trying to sound casual. “Oh, Nat? Okay.”

Bobbi smiles knowingly. “Hey, guess what?”

“What?”

“Sharon and I got together.” 

Maria sat up in the bed, wincing in pain. “Oh my god! Finally!”

“Oh, careful, Maria,” breathes Bobbi. “But… yeah.” Her smile is wider than Maria’s ever seen it before.

“I’m fine, Bob. God, I’m so excited for you two!” Maria squeezes Bobbi’s hand. The door creaks open and Maria instantly snaps her head around to look.

“Oh my god, Maria!” Nat rushes into the room. Bobbi stands up, motioning to Joseph and taking him out of the room. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” says Maria, shaking her head and wincing a little. “Ahh. Wow.”

Nat sits down on the side of the bed, and Maria almost thinks she can see tears in her eyes. “I was so scared, Masha.”

“Oh, Talia— I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you— I’m fine, I promise.”

“It’s not your fault, Masha,” says Nat. “I was just worried.”

Nat slides her arm around Maria’s back and Maria flinches, breathing in quickly. “Oh, Maria, I’m so sorry!”

“No, no. It’s okay. I’m fine.” Maria shakes her head. She breathes in deeply. Nat sighs.

“You’re not fine, Masha,” says Nat, half-laughing. “You got hit by a car. You have to stop pretending everything’s okay.”

“Yeah, it is,” snaps Maria. “I’m fine, okay?” She glances to the window, where Bobbi and Joseph are talking to a nurse. “I’m fine.”

Nat’s shoulders relax. “Okay. But Joseph doesn’t need you to be fine. He needs you to get through this.”

“It’s the same thing.” Maria looks away, fiddling with the sheets. 

“Joseph isn’t here right now,” says Nat softly. “You can talk to me, Masha.” 

Maria takes a deep breath in, exhaling slowly. She lifts her head and meets Nat’s eyes, her heart heavy. “I was scared,” she says quietly. “It was just like— like before.”

Maria knows she’s never disclosed the details of her discharge from the army to Natasha, but she also knows that by now Natasha knows there was some kind of vehicle accident. Nat doesn’t say anything, but her arm tightens ever so slightly around Maria’s back.

“I thought I was going to die.”

Nat turns to face Maria, her eyes soft. “I know. God, I’m so sorry, Maria.” Maria feels tears slip down her face, and she presses herself closer to Nat, burying her head in her chest. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay now, I promise. You’re safe now. I’m here.” 

“How can I be safe, Nat?” asks Maria, her shoulders shaking. “I’m never safe. Not-- not ever.” She presses her eyes shut, ghostly flames flickering around her vision.

“Oh, yes, you are,” promises Nat, her voice sad and soft. “You’re safe.” Nat’s quiet for a second, like she’s looking at her, but Maria’s eyes are still closed. “You’re in a hospital, in America. You’re okay.”

“Okay,” repeats Maria, hesitant, feeling brave enough to open her eyes. “I’m-- okay?”

“Yeah, you are,” nods Nat, encouragingly. “Go away for a second there?”

“Sort of.” Maria understands exactly what she’s asking, and she’s grateful to play along with the idea she was only lost in thought. “But I’m-- I’m back now.”

There’s a knock on the door. “Hey, you,” calls Bobbi. “Hope you don’t mind, but I let the girls know you’re up. They’re just five minutes away now.”

“That sounds great,” says Maria, honestly. “It’d be great to see them.”

“It’s been different at the rink without you,” says Bobbi honestly. “The team’s been different. We’ve all been worried.”

“I’ll be back soon enough,” breezes Maria. “I can’t wait to get back to the rink.”

“I’m afraid it’ll be a little while,” tempers Dr Cho. “You have a broken arm and a dislocated knee. Natasha tells me you’re an ice hockey player?”

Maria nods.

“I certainly can’t condone going back to such a violent sport for at least four weeks.”

Maria swallows, nodding again. She can’t speak. It’s like her heart is lodged in her throat and she feels like she’s going to be sick. All her friends are at the rink. Her whole life is at the rink. Four weeks. She’s going to have to spend four weeks alone. In pain. With absolutely nothing to take her mind off-- well, off her own mind.

“That’s okay,” Nat replies for her. “I’ll keep an eye on her.” She turns to Joseph, smiling at him, at the same time as she pulls her hand a little tighter around Maria, grounding her. Reminding her she’s here, and she’s okay. “If that’s alright with you, Joseph.”

“That’s fine,” Joseph says. “I don’t know how to do the laundry. Maybe you can do it!”

Natasha laughs, a beautiful sound that snaps Maria out of her daze. She feels a small smile slip onto her face. Nat’s offering to help out with Joseph. That makes her happy, for some small reason she can’t explain. Nat is great with Joseph. Kind, and patient, and perfect. 

“Yeah, we… We can get a lot done in four weeks, right Joseph?” She nudges him with her good arm, grinning cheekily. 

“Yeah. I can make a volcano for the science fair.”

“A volcano? That sounds brilliant!” The door opens and three girls tumble in, two of them making more noise than should ever be made in a hospital room. Dr Cho looks exasperated, but resigned. She leaves, taking the clipboard with her. Maria huffs out a laugh. She can tell they’ve done this before. 

“Maria!” Carol yells, careening over to the bed and throwing her arms around her. 

“Ow!” Maria gasps, but there’s a smile on her face. “It’s good to see you too, Danvers.”

Maria can make out Sharon waving behind strands of Carol’s blonde hair.

“And you,” she says, pointing with her good arm at Sharon, then at Bobbi. “Congratulations! It only took me getting into a car accident for it to finally happen.”

Sharon laughs. “Well, it was me and Bobbi sitting here alone while Nat took Joseph home to get some new clothes — and some revelations came to light.” 

“We’re all eternally grateful,” says Vic dryly to Maria. Her eyes soften, and her tone, for once, isn’t sarcastic. “And eternally glad you’re okay.”

Maria feels emotions again, rising up and threatening to overwhelm her. She doesn’t say anything, just nods. She’s scared if she tries to talk she’ll just start sobbing instead.

Bobbi catches her eye and gives her a small smile. She turns back to the rest of the team. “Dr Cho is probably mad we’re pushing the visitor limit. Let’s give Maria some time to rest.”

Thanks, mouths Maria. It’s not that she doesn’t want her team there-- she does, really-- but she’s so tired, and everything feels a little too much and she just wants things to be calm and quiet for a moment.

Bobbi gives her a small nod, and shepherds the rest of the team out. “I reckon Dr Cho will let you out tonight. I can drive Joseph home and look after him until you get there, if you like?”

“That sounds perfect,” sighs Maria. “Thank you, Bobbi.”

“It’s nothing.” Bobbi waves her hand disparagingly.

“I mean it,” says Maria sincerely. “Thank you. For everything.”

“I’d do all of it in a heartbeat,” promises Bobbi.

“I’ll see you in a little bit, okay, buddy?” says Maria, squeezing her little brother’s hand with her good hand.

“Okay. Love you, Ria.”

“Love you too.”

Dr Cho comes back in as the others leave. “Glad to see it’s a little quieter in here,” she says in a mock-reproachful tone. “We’ll just run a couple of tests and you can be out of here within two hours.”

“That sounds great,” says Maria in relief. “Thank you, Dr Cho.”

“Get some rest,” the doctor says, pulling a sample of Maria’s blood from her arm. “I’ll be back in a short while with your bloodwork.”

The door closes behind her, and it’s quiet. Maria rests her head on Nat’s chest, closing her eyes. She’s tired, but not ready to sleep just yet.

“This is--” she begins, struggling to articulate. “I feel--”

“A lot,” supplies Nat. “It’s a lot.”

Maria nods silently, feeling a tear trickle down her cheek that she doesn’t understand.

“It’s okay,” says Nat softly. “This is big. I know it can be overwhelming to see all these people caring about you. But we do, and it’s not going to go away. Also, I promise, four weeks are going to fly by. You can get back to your questionable coping methods in no time.” Her eyes are full of mirth and she presses her body against Maria’s.

Maria lets out a wet laugh. Of course. Nat is exactly on the money.

“What’s so funny, you?” asks Nat, poking her incredibly gently in her side.

“Nothing,” promises Maria, smiling softly. “Just-- you’re perfect.”


	12. you create a rarity of my genuine smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria’s slowly getting better. It’s easier with Nat around.

Maria wakes up in a cold sweat for the second time that night. She glances over at the clock and groans. It’s only five am. She’s never going to get back to sleep. Her door creaks open and she wriggles up in bed in surprise. Nat peeks her head around the door, a glass of water in her hand.

“Hey, you. Heard you were awake.”

Maria knows that’s not what she means, but accepts the glass and the lie. “Sorry.”

“No problem,” says Nat softly, sitting down on the bed next to her. “Want to talk about it?”

“Not at all. Is Joseph awake?”

“I don’t think so.”

Maria swings her legs out of bed and grabs a shirt from the chair near her bed, sitting on the edge and having to reach out to get it.

“What are you doing?” asks Nat.

“Getting dressed,” replies Maria, entirely aware that that’s not the question she’s asking. “I won’t get back to sleep. Might as well do something useful with my time.”

“What exactly are you going to do?” Nat’s tone is firm but not unkind. “You can’t go to the rink. You’re off work for the next few weeks. Just come here and get some sleep.”

“You know I won’t, Nat. My— my brain’s busy doing all sorts of busy things.”

“Eloquent,” teases Nat. “Just come here.” She pats the bed next to her, and Maria reluctantly acquiesces. Nat’s body is close next to hers, and Maria feels heat in her cheeks.

Nat lifts her hands around her own neck and unhooks her necklace, pulling it off and dangling it from her fingers. “This was my mum’s,” she explains softly. “The matron at the orphanage took it when they took me in, and I stole it back when I left.” She presses it into Maria’s hand, chain pooling in her palm. She runs her fingers over it clumsily. It’s a small arrow-shaped pendant, the head of the arrow covered in nicks and dents.

“I keep it with me. For me, it means protection. My demons are still there. But I can combat them. I can fight them. I’ve already won this over them.”

Natasha takes it out of Maria’s hand and lifts it around Maria’s neck, her fingers brushing her skin as she clasps it. “Let it protect you too.”

“Talia, this is…” Maria’s breathless, her good hand clutching the silver pendant. “It’s yours. It matters so much to you.”

“Yeah, well, you matter to me more.” Nat turns away as she says it, clearly trying to brush it off as nothing, but Maria feels a genuine smile creep onto her face. 

She’s been trying to deny it for about a week now. It’s been a week since Nat came to stay with her and about a week of hopeless, painful denial. She’s not falling for Natasha. She’s not. But the pendant lies still-warm against her skin, a symbol of Natasha’s life and her love and her protection, and Maria knows she can’t hide from herself anymore. She likes Nat. Really likes her. As something much more than a friend.

She grasps Natasha’s hand, awkward around her cast, and squeezes it as much as she’s able. “Stay?”

“Always,” says Nat, pressing a kiss to Maria’s forehead. She must not know how much that makes her heart race and her breath quicken. Maria lies down on the bed, Nat close beside her. Nat mumbles something in Russian that Maria can’t translate, despite the lessons she’s been having in her boredom. Maria pulls the blanket around them and closes her eyes. For the first time in a long time, she’s not afraid of what will come out of the darkness. She’s got Natasha, and she’s got her silver arrow. She is protected.

She wakes up about two and a half hours later to an empty bed. She can’t deny the ache in her chest at realising Nat’s gone, but she gets up anyway, pulling her shirt clumsily over her cast and wincing as the movement jolts her ribs. She grabs the crutch from where it’s leaning against the wall, hating that she has to use it, and hauls herself out of bed. She steps gingerly on her leg and groans as the knee twinges beneath her. It’s always been a little wrong, this knee. She’s broken it more times than she can count, and it’s no coincidence she already had a pair of crutches in her house. She’s no stranger to pain in it. But this, this is just a little more than she’s willing to bear alone.

She manages to get downstairs, and smiles at the sight of Nat standing in Maria’s most ridiculous apron, a frilly pink monstrosity that had been buried as deep in the drawer as it could. Nat waves at her with the spatula she’s holding, flicking pancake batter across the room.

“Oops?” she tries, looking sheepish. Maria’s flooded with adoration. She’s perfect.

“Pancakes?” she asks, half-laughing. “You don’t have to, Nat, come on.”

“I know,” shrugs Nat, turning back to the pan. “But I’m staying round here, may as well make myself useful.”

Joseph comes crashing in from the other room, waving a bottle of maple syrup excitedly in the air. “Found it, Nat!”

“Good job! You can put it on the table there,” says Nat, beaming and gesticulating with her spatula.

“Nat’s making pancakes, Ria!” says Joseph, running at her and hugging her. “I like her. Can we keep her?”

“You can’t keep a person, Jo,” admonishes Maria with a grin.

“You can keep me as long as you like,” chips in Nat, winking at him. “Long as you’ve got a ready supply of marshmallows.”

“Marshmallows?” asks Maria, wrinkling her forehead.

Natasha nods seriously. “And smarties. Super important secret project. Key assets — marshmallows and smarties.”

“I think we have M&Ms,” muses Joseph slowly. “I’ll go get them!”

By the time he comes careening back in with the giant bag of marshmallows and about eight colourful packets of M&Ms, Nat’s done with the pancakes and Maria’s managed to clear just about enough room from the kitchen table. There’s now a pile on the floor of all her paperwork from her job, but at least they have a surface to eat from. They all sit down.

“Joseph, how’s school going?” asks Nat, squirting an ungodly amount of whipped cream on her pancakes. She lifts the top one and starts burying mini marshmallows and M&Ms among the still-hot layers.

“It’s good, but I’ve got a maths test on Tuesday and I…” he trails off, staring at Nat’s plate.

“What?” 

“Why is your pancake so sweet?”

“The marshmallows and M&Ms melt!” explains Nat around a mouthful of pancake.

“You’ll give yourself cavities,” laughs Maria.

“Don’t care,” grins Nat, swallowing. “I like it.”

Maria smiles, watching Nat and Joseph chatting over pancakes at her kitchen table, and thinks, _yeah. I like this._


	13. so breathe, breathe with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria comes back to the rink after weeks away. It’s not as easy as she hopes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for panic attacks and discussions of war and death

Maria takes a deep breath. Nat squeezes her hand. “We don’t have to do this.”

“I have to come back some time.” Maria breathes out slowly and pushes the glass doors open. She’s not three steps into the rink when Carol spots her and comes running over.

“Hey, Maria! How are you doing?” 

“Good,” says Maria truthfully. “My cast can come off next week. And my knee’s pretty much back to normal.” Nat glances at her, fully aware that that doesn’t mean it’s better, but doesn’t say anything. “I just couldn’t stay away any longer,” she laughs.

“Well, practice is over, most of us are nearly done in the changing room,” says Carol. Maria’s glad. They’ve talked about this at length — the best time to come back and give it a careful go round the ice. At the end of practice, when she can see her friends but the ice will be clear, seemed like the best idea.

Sharon and Bobbi come over, hand in hand. Maria can’t help but smile at the sight of them. They both hug her, one by one, and they’re chattering away, talking about what’s been going on at the rink, filling her in on everything she’s missed.

The changing rooms spill forward more players, finished with changing, each with their skates in a bag and most of them with their jerseys still on. Steve comes, and then Scott, then Thor and Sam and Mack and Bucky, and Val from the party comes over with her skates around her neck and kisses Carol in the lips and Maria on the cheek, and Vic is hugging her, which is unsettling in itself, and everyone’s talking over each other and everything’s exactly the same but _she’s not_ and she can’t help it, she makes a half-hearted apology and pushes through the crowd, her vision blurring as she tries to make it to her changing room.

Her changing room is cold and empty and the walls have been painted yellow. She sinks down on a bench near the door — Nat’s old bench, she thinks through the haze — and puts her head in her hands. She can feel her breathing coming quick, and tries desperately to remember the exercises she’s been taught. 

Things she can see. Benches. Lockers. Wrong yellow walls. Her hair in her face. The brace on her knee. Things she can hear. Noise. People talking. The creak of the door. Footsteps. Things she can touch. The wooden bench. Nat’s hand in hers. Nat’s heartbeat. Things she can smell. Nat’s coconut shampoo. Lemon disinfectant. Things she can taste. Iron in her mouth. She’s vaguely aware that Nat’s saying things, but it’s like she’s underwater. She focuses on her shallow breathing. _Breathe. Just breathe._

She mumbles something in the Italian her mother had taught her, something incoherent no matter what language it was in. Maria’s always felt a little out of touch with her mom’s heritage, but she speaks Italian almost as fluidly as she speaks English. Sometimes, when it’s really bad, she struggles to differentiate.

Nat’s hand is warm in hers and eventually she feels brave enough to look her in the eyes. Green rings gaze back at her, open, and soft. “I’m sorry,” Maria whispers, looking away. She can feel a tear tracking down her cheek, but makes no effort to wipe it away.

“Don’t be sorry, Masha,” breathes Nat. “Just breathe.”

“Yeah.” Maria leans back, her head connecting with the wall behind her. “They’ve repainted.”

“Yeah,” echoes Nat. “Yellow. You get used to it.”

Maria can only nod, swallowing.

“I’m sorry, Masha,” says Nat, finally. “I should have known it’d be hard.”

“No,” says Maria. “It’s not your fault.”

“It’s not yours either,” counters Nat quickly. “It’s overwhelming. I understand.”

Maria nods, closing her eyes. She takes a deep breath. “I never told you how I was discharged.”

“You don’t have to,” interrupts Nat. “That’s yours, Maria. That’s private. I don’t need you to tell me that.”

“Nat, come on,” says Maria, a little louder than she’d intended. “You’ve seen me panic how many times? Nobody else knows me like you. I want to tell you.”

Nat nods silently, allowing Maria to continue.

“It was my third tour. I was in Kabul. I was in a Humvee with my unit, and we drove over an IED.” She knows it’s not exactly the most involved or the most detailed description, but she doesn’t feel up to much more. “My whole unit died, except me.” She stares at the black brace wrapped around her knee. She’s struggled with chronic pain in that one damned knee ever since the accident. It’s like a physical reminder that she’s still not over it. She’s still not better.

“Masha, I’m so sorry,” says Nat softly.

“Yeah. It… That wasn’t the start of my problems, my dad messed me up pretty good, but it’s most of it.” She sighs. “Big crowds are overwhelming for me. I’m always on edge, trying to look out for what’s going to go wrong, alert. It’s just too much.”

“I understand.” Nat’s quiet for a moment, then squeezes Maria’s hand. “Do you want to tell me about them?”

“Who?”

“Your unit.”

Maria can’t deny she’s surprised by that. “You— why?”

“Because they were your friends, Maria. They meant a lot to you. They still do.” Nat smiles sadly. “Don’t you want to tell someone about them?”

Maria nods slowly. “Yeah. I— I guess. My unit leader was called Alyssa. She… she was strict and kinda uptight, but we could make her loosen up sometimes. She was great fun when she wasn’t trying to enforce the rules.” She swipes at tears. “We dated. She was… she was my second girlfriend. I might have loved her.”

“I’m so sorry,” whispers Nat. Maria just bites her lip.

“My best friend was called Dave. He was… he was brave, and funny, and made me laugh. His boyfriend was in our squad, too. His name was Frank. Frank was smart, and he got us out of tight spots more times than I’d like to admit.” She smiles, and Nat nods encouragingly, squeezing her hand. “Alex was an excellent sniper, and he always had something sweet in his pack. Charlie was trained in martial arts, and he loved musicals. We’d stay up late, eating Alex’s marshmallows and singing.” She’s silent for a moment.

“Sometimes we could forget we were at war.”

Natasha smiles sadly. “I understand.”

“They were my family,” admits Maria. “I— I miss them. Even though it’s been… a year.”

“That sort of thing doesn’t just go away, Masha,” says Nat softly. “I’m really proud of you for opening up about it.”

Maria laughs sharply. “You sound like a therapist.”

Nat lifts an eyebrow. “Would you know?”

Maria’s taken aback. “I— No. I was issued one by the army for about a month, but— Why’s it any of your business?”

“I’m sorry,” says Nat. “It’s not. You’re right. I just wanted to help.”

Maria softens. “It’s okay. I know I’ve got… issues. Maybe one day I’ll be brave enough to face them.”

Nat slips her hand out of Maria’s, and lifts herself from kneeling to sit on the bench next to Maria, their bodies pressed together. She rests her head on her shoulder. “Until then,” she says softly, “you can run away with me.”


	14. can you drink all my thoughts, cause I can’t stand them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nat is scared. Maria’s there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for harassment.
> 
> You get a special cameo in this one!! Hope you like ;)

“Maria?” Nat’s voice is breathless, and Maria is instantly alert. “Thank God you picked up. Maria, God, Maria.”

“What’s wrong?” It’s eleven at night. Maria’s standing in her fluffy socks on her kitchen floor, wearing a huge shirt and sleep shorts, and she’d been about to go to bed, but she doesn’t care. It doesn’t matter. “Nat? Talk to me, Nat. What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have— I’m just scared, and— I’m probably imagining it—”

“Natasha,” says Maria firmly, grabbing her keys. She quickly scribbles a vague note for Joseph, slamming it on the table and opening the front door. “Where are you? What’s going on?”

“I’m by the rink,” manages Nat, breathing heavily. “Outside the little bookshop. A few streets away. I— I think there’s someone here. Someone following me. Shit, Maria, I’m scared.”

“It’s okay, Nat,” says Maria softly. “Breathe for me, okay? Breathe with me. In, and out. I’m on my way. Can you get inside?”

“I, uh— yeah. Yeah. Okay. I’m— I’m going inside.”

“Good, good,” says Maria encouragingly. She’s halfway down the stairs at this point, taking them two at a time, her heart racing. “Stay with me, Nat. Did you see them?”

“Sort of,” gasps Nat. “I thought— he looked like— I’m imagining things, Maria, I don’t know what’s— please, Masha. Please.”

“I’m coming. I promise, Talia, I’m coming. Just stay safe for me.” She starts her car and balances her phone on the dashboard, her heartbeat pounding through her whole body. “You’re going to be okay, Talia.”

Nat doesn’t reply, and it hurts. Maria can feel her worry spiking through her like a knife, and she drives as fast as she can. She’s pretty sure she breaks a couple of speed limits. The radio’s on, but she can’t focus, the music barely audible over the noise her brain is making. Nat has to be okay. She… she doesn’t know what she’d do. If she wasn’t okay.

It feels like seconds and hours all at once, but she’s outside the little bookshop and she’s parked the car, and she’s pushing the door open. She presses the phone to her ear. “Nat? Nat, are you here? Where are you?”

“Hi. Can I help you?” Maria looks up to see a man behind the desk. He’s got grey hair, and he’s wearing glasses.

“I’m sorry. I’m looking for my, uh, my friend, Nat. She said she came in here. Please, if you can help— I’m really worried about her.” Maria’s afraid she might cry, but the old man’s face softens.

“I’m Stan. Your friend came in here a little while ago. She was afraid, so I took her through to the back room. It’s just this way.” He opens a door and leads her through to a small, dim room, covered in bookshelves.

“Talia!” Maria gasps, falling to her knees. Nat is sitting on the floor, her back pressed against the wall, a cup of something hot in her hands.

“Maria. Thank God,” she breathes. “I was so scared. He looked just like this man I used to know, back… back when, and I—” There are tears trickling down her cheeks, and Maria kneels next to her, wrapping her arms around her. “I was so scared.”

“It’s okay,” whispers Maria. “I’m here. You’re safe, I promise. I’ve got you.”

Stan returns— Maria hadn’t even noticed he’d left— and he’s holding out a second cup. Maria’s bemused.

“I, uh, thank you, sir. We— we won’t take up your hospitality much longer.”

“That’s okay,” smiles Stan. “You can stay as long as you need. You’re safe here.”

Stan turns to leave them alone, and Maria twists, sitting next to Nat. Nat’s head rests on her shoulder, and Maria can feel her shirt becoming damp. She briefly realises what she’s wearing— her fluffy socks are grimy with the dirt from her accelerator pedal, and she feels a little embarrassed.

“Sorry I brought you out so late,” breathes Nat.

Maria shakes her head immediately. “No. I’m so glad you’re safe. You had me really worried. I’m just happy you’re okay.”

Nat nods, and Maria can feel it on her shoulder. “I don’t want to go home.”

“Of course.” Maria turns, pulls Nat into a tight hug. “Do you want to come back with me?”

Nat pulls away and looks Maria in the eyes. “You— you’d do that?”

“I’d do anything, Talia,” says Maria honestly. “I’d do anything to make you safe.”

Nat nods, her head making tiny movements. “If you and Joseph are okay with me coming?”

“Nat, we love you.” Maria inhales quickly. “That is, we’d be happy to have you. I promise.”

“Okay,” says Nat softly. Maria helps her up, her arm tight around her. She’s still shaking. It makes Maria want to cry. She doesn’t let go of her until they get back to the car. She has to feel her there. Safe. As she opens the driver’s door and gets ready to join Nat in the car, she glances around at the shadowy street. It’s probably her imagination, but she can almost imagine a shape in the shadows. Watching them. She shivers, closes her eyes, and sits down, closing the door.

“Here,” she says, pushing her bedroom door open. “The spare bedroom’s got all of Joseph’s school clothes in it. You can stay here tonight.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Maria,” says Nat. “I’ll take the couch.”

“No, it’s okay. I can.”

Nat meets Maria’s eyes, and she looks more vulnerable than she thinks she’s ever seen her before. “Maybe you could stay.”

“What, uh, you mean, in the bed?” Nat nods. “Uh, of course. Yeah.”

Nat sits heavily on the bed. “I’m sorry, Maria. I know getting followed— it’s not like it’s uncommon. And I know it wasn’t Lucah. But I… I just worked myself up.”

“Hey, that’s okay. I promise.” Maria sits next to her. “I’m glad you’re safe. And if… if you want to talk, I’m here.”

“Thanks, Masha. I don’t— I think I just want to forget it.” Nat shakes her head, and Maria gets up and pulls a pair of pyjamas out of her drawer. “But, uh, hey. It means a lot to me that you came.”

Maria places the yellow clothes on the bed and sits back down. “Of course I came, Talia. You mean everything to me. If you were in any kind of danger, I’d do anything to help. I promise.”

“You— you mean everything to me too.” Maria’s looking into her eyes, and they’re really close, and she’s safe, and that means the world to her. Nat takes a deep breath and leans forward. Maria can feel her eyes widen, but before she has a chance to react, Nat’s lips are crashing against hers. She melts into it, and it feels like something inside her is finally slotting into place. Then Nat pulls away sharply and it feels like whiplash. She tries to pretend her sudden absence doesn’t hurt.

“I’m sorry. I’m— It’s late. We should— sleep.”

“Yeah,” admits Maria. “We can— we should, uh, talk about that.”

“In the morning.”

“Yeah. In the morning.” 

Nat takes the pyjamas and goes in the direction of the bathroom. Maria sits on her bed, watching her retreating back, and sighs, flopping onto her back. Everything was going so right, until it wasn’t. She closes her eyes and lets out a breath. They’d talk about it in the morning. 

In the morning.


	15. intertwined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria and Nat have a conversation they’ve needed to have for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaa!! [also, I’m sorry I skipped a week. It’s been a bit crazy with things going on.]
> 
> Hope you like ;)

Maria wakes up and her feet are tangled in Nat's, her arm draped across the smaller girl’s back. They’re so close she can feel her breathing, is deeply, desperately aware of the pounding of their heartbeats, almost in sync. She pulls her arm away, pushing herself backwards across the bed until her back slams against the wall.

Nat shifts, her eyes wrinkling, and turns to face Maria. “Morning.”

“I— morning.” Maria waves awkwardly, then drops her hand. She kneels on the bed and makes her way down to the end so she can slip off it and stand on the carpeted floor. “I’m, uh, just, going to— I’ll be right back.”

Before Nat can answer, Maria’s turned, half-running down the corridor and slamming the bathroom door behind her. She puts her hands on the sink, leaning heavily over it, and tries to count her breaths. The last time she’d woken up with someone like that— the last time. The last time had been Alyssa. She turns and slumps down, the porcelain of the sink digging painfully into her back. It’s not until she lifts her palms to cover her eyes and they come away wet that she even realises she’s crying.

“Masha?” Nat’s voice is muffled through the door, but she sounds concerned. “Masha, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Maria calls back, hating the way her voice shakes. “I’m fine.”

“Can I come in?”

Maria leans her head into her hands. On the one hand, no, she does not want Nat to see her like this, and she definitely doesn’t want to have to explain. But on the other… it’s Nat. “Fine.”

Nat pushes the door open, her worried gaze softening at the sight of Maria on the floor. “Hey, you.”

“Hey.” Maria doesn’t make eye contact.

“I’m sorry if I spooked you. And… I’m sorry for what happened last night. I was scared, and it was a heat of the moment thing…”

Shit. Maria had totally forgotten about last night. That kiss… It scares her. It should scare her. She should be running for the hills right now, because she knows exactly what’s going to happen next. So she opens her mouth, about to agree, about to tell Nat they’re better off as friends, but what comes out isn’t exactly that.

“Did you mean it?”

Nat looks taken aback. “The kiss?”

“All of it.” Maria tries to keep her voice steady, but it’s hard. She hasn’t been able to deny her feelings for Nat for a long time. So as much as this scares her… she has to know if she felt the same way.

“Yes.” Natasha’s voice is quiet and almost ashamed, and Maria finally looks at her eyes. They’re sparkling with unshed tears.

“Then—” Maria doesn’t know why she’s saying this. Doesn’t know why she’s willing to try again, after everything. But the idea of letting Nat go now is too much to bear. “Then I did too. I meant it. You’re everything to me. And I—”

Natasha’s face is a complicated and nearly unreadable mess. She looks stunned, but desperate, but maybe a little hopeful at the same time. “Do you want to try? This, I mean?”

Maria wants to say yes, but a sobbing laugh escapes her mouth. “I’m scared.”

Nat laughs too. “Me too. I— I’ve never actually done this before.”

“I… have. Which is— rather the problem.” She knows she’s being cryptic, shutting Nat out of the truth, but she really can’t talk about _her_ right now. About Alyssa. About how it had all ended. “But— maybe. Yes. I want to try.”

Nat’s face splits into the purest, most happy smile Maria’s ever seen. She can feel her own cheeks stretching too, until they begin to hurt with the strain. “Come here,” Nat says, and stretches out her hands.

Maria takes them, letting Nat pull her to her feet, and the momentum brings her crashing into Nat, their lips touching. They could pull away, regain their balance. But neither of them want to. Maria winds her arms around Nat’s shoulders, and Nat’s arms slip around Maria’s waist. They kiss until they’re both gasping for air, laughing in great gulps and smiling all the while. Maria gazes into Natasha’s eyes, bends down to press another kiss to her lips, when—

“Good morning.” Joseph is standing in the doorway of his bedroom, wearing his lego pyjamas and clutching a toothbrush. “Hi, Nat.”

“Hi, Joseph.”

None of them really know what to say, until Maria lets go of Nat and makes her way over to Joseph, slinging her arm around his shoulder. “Come on, buddy. Let’s have a chat.”

“Everyone good for waffles?” offers Nat.

“We don’t have a waffle machine,” objects Joseph.

“Okay. I’ll, uh— I’ll do scrambled eggs then.”

Maria goes into Joseph’s bedroom, sitting on his bed next to him. “Morning, Jo.”

“Why is Nat here?”

Maria sighs. “She was worried someone was following her last night. I said she could stay over.”

“You were kissing.” Joseph narrows his eyes.

“Yeah, we were. I— I’ve liked Nat for a while. It just took a while for us to both be honest about it.” Maria looks at Joseph earnestly. “Look, I know you like Nat. And I know you’ve at least considered the possibility that I like her. So what’s wrong?”

Joseph crosses his arms angrily. “You’re going to leave me.”

“What?” asks Maria, breathing in sharply. “God, Joseph, I’m never going to leave you. What makes you think that?”

“You’re going to be her girlfriend, and live with her and care about her more than me.”

“That is never going to happen, Jo.” Maria takes a deep breath, trying not to let the tears fall, and looks into Joseph’s eyes. “I care about you so much. More than anything in the world. You are my number one priority, okay? I love you. And I’m never ever going to leave you again.” She closes her eyes and pulls him into a tight hug. “I made that mistake once, and I’m never going to make it ever again.”

“You promise?” asks Joseph hesitantly.

Maria nods. “I promise.” 

Joseph relents. “She makes good pancakes. And we made a volcano.”

“Yeah,” laughs Maria. “I think she’s pretty awesome.”

“Do you love her?”

“I— I don’t know. Maybe. But I love her in a different way from how I love you. And neither of those ways take away from the other one.”

“She makes you happy.” Joseph smiles at Maria. “She’s good for you.”

“Yeah,” says Maria softly. “I think she is.”


	16. free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world is quiet, and they are alone.

Maria can’t help her smile, as she glances over at her girlfriend sitting on the sofa next to her. _Her girlfriend._ She will never get tired of thinking that.

“What are you looking at?” teases Nat, poking her in the side.

“You,” says Maria honestly.

“Yeah?” asks Nat. “And what are you thinking?”

Maria smiles. “How lucky I am.”

Nat smiles, wrapping her arm around Maria’s waist. “Yeah, well, I might have something to say about that,” she whispers, trailing kisses up Maria’s neck. Maria squeaks and pushes at Nat with outstretched hands.

“Stop, stop! You’re being mean, Nat!” Maria covers her neck with her palms, defending against further attacks. “You’re distracting me from the movie.”

“Yes, but clearly my simple presence is distracting you,” breathes Nat, her breath hot on Maria’s skin. The kitchen timer begins beeping and Maria sits up bolt-straight, Nat’s teasing forgotten. In an instant, Nat pulls away, taking Maria’s hands in hers. 

“Hey. You okay? It’s just the timer, remember? You’re okay.” 

Maria nods, slowing her breathing back down. “I should really get a new timer,” she jokes shakily.

“Yeah,” laughs Nat. “Hey, if we don’t go now, your lovely dinner is going to burn.”

Maria sighs, unwilling to let go of Nat’s hands. “Fine.” She stands up, padding over to the kitchen in her red fluffy socks. Joseph is out, staying over at Jemma’s with Leo, and the house feels less empty than it usually does when he’s not here. She hears Nat begin to get up in the other room and yells out. “Hey! Stay there, Romanoff. I told you I’m doing this.”

She can hear mumbled complaints from Nat, but elects to diplomatically ignore them. She takes the pasta bake out of the oven and sets it on the kitchen table, on a wooden mat over the deep red tablecloth. Carefully setting two candles on the table next to it, she strikes a match and lights the wicks. Finally, she presses play on her phone, and soft piano notes begin to drift from the speaker she’s hooked it up to.

“Wow, Maria.” 

She spins around, seeing Nat standing in the doorway. “I told you I was doing it.”

“Yeah, but I figured I was allowed to come and distract you with kisses,” reasons Nat. “This is… incredible.” She comes further into the room, surveying the table. “I told you I didn’t want anything special.”

“Maybe I did,” shrugs Maria. “I think special is okay. This is our first Valentine’s Day together. I mean, together-together. Maybe we deserve a little special.”

Nat smiles and flicks the light switch, the candlelight illuminating her face in a soft glow. “Special sounds wonderful.”

She can’t deny that she’s a little relieved. She goes over, presses a kiss to Nat’s cheek, then pulls out a chair for her, mock-bowing. “My lady.”

“Why thank you, Jeeves,” says Nat in an exaggerated English accent.

“Jeeves?” asks Maria sceptically, sitting down in her own chair. “Come on. I’m clearly your personal guard who you’re in love with despite the foreign prince you’re expected to marry.”

Nat laughs. “We both know I’d make a rubbish princess.”

Maria raises an eyebrow, flashing her a cheeky grin. “Do you know what I think we would be good at being?” she asks, spooning the pasta onto their plates. “Spies.”

“Spies,” repeats Nat, laughing. “You know what, you’re right. I’d be the badass Russian super spy, and you’d be my cold-hearted but secretly caring handler.”

Maria rolls her eyes. “Cold-hearted? Is that the best you can do?”

“Aw, you’d be secretly a sweetheart to those who know you,” offered Nat. 

Maria took a sip of her drink then spat it out, laughing through her nose. “Oh, God. I just had an image of Nick Fury as the director of our shady spy organisation.”

Nat shrugs. “If it were me, my best bet would be Peggy Carter. Have you seen that woman’s drive? She’d be the best director of a shady spy organisation you’d ever seen.”

Maria smiles softly, her gaze resting on Nat’s gorgeous green eyes. “I like this.”

“Yeah?” asks Nat. “Like what?”

“You,” clarifies Maria. “Being with you. Having a Valentine’s date.” She shrugs. “All of this. All of you.”

“Well luckily for you, I like you too,” Nat replies, quirking an eyebrow. “You’re right, though. This is really nice. And really romantic.”

Maria glances at the candles, and smiles. “Romantic is what I was going for.”

Maria’s sink is just below a window that looks out onto her front driveway. She’s gotten very used to doing the dishes while watching out the window, but there’s very rarely anything interesting to see.

Today, though, as she’s running her sponge over the knife she’d used to cut the chicken, she catches a glimpse of something moving in the darkness. It almost looks like a person, and it startles Maria enough that she drops the knife.

“Ah, _cazzo_!” she gasps as blood begins to stream down her wrist. Nat’s by her side in a moment, the tea-towel she’d been cleaning up with dropped forgotten on the floor as she takes her wrist in her hands.

“Maria,” chastises Nat. “Don’t get distracted with a knife in your hand!”

“It’s not my fault, I thought I saw—” In a flash, Maria remembers Nat’s terror at believing she was being followed, and bites back what she was about to say. “Sorry, Nat. Ow! That hurts!”

Nat’s poking the cut with newly-crimson fingers and when Maria glances down at it, she suddenly feels dizzy. “Whoa.”

“Maria!” There’s a note of genuine concern in Nat’s voice now, and she puts her hand firmly on the small of Maria’s back and leads her to the sofa, sitting her down. “Stay there, Masha. Your first aid kit’s above the fridge, right?”

Maria nods. She’s not sure if it’s the sight of the blood that’s making her light-headed, or the loss of it, but she closes her eyes, trying to stop the world spinning. Someone touches her arm and she jolts up, her eyes flicking open, but it’s just Nat and she relaxes. 

Nat’s impossibly gentle as she wraps the bandage around Maria’s arm. Maria can’t deny the way her heart skips a beat as her fingers trail lightly across her skin. “You’re a liability, you know?” Nat teases gently. 

“I know,” murmurs Maria. Nat is sitting on the sofa next to her, and she rests her head on the smaller girl’s shoulder. “Sorry, Nat. Sorry I ruined our date.”

“Oh, come on,” says Nat. “A little blood never ruined anything.” She glances at Maria. “Except possibly your nice white shirt.” They both laugh.

“Thank you,” says Maria sincerely. “For everything.”

“Hey, it’s not a problem.” Nat smiles. “I’ll always be here to bandage you up.”

Maria lets a tired half-smile slip onto her face. “I love you.” Her eyes open wide as she says it, realising what she’s just said. “I mean, uh—”

“I love you too.” 

Maria relaxes into Nat. “I love you so much.”


	17. i've pinned each and every hope on you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria's afraid. All she can do is hope that Nat is coming to save her.

Maria’s alone and it’s dark and she’s so goddamn afraid and she’s almost ready to lose hope.

They had come hours ago. She’d been on her way to her car, exhausted after a draining session, and they’d grabbed her and stuffed her in the back of a van, kicking and screaming. 

She was in the military. She hates herself for being overpowered so easily. But there were at least three men, all larger than her, and she was sore and tired and the bag they’d tugged over her head was musty and suffocating and she tried, she tried so hard, but she couldn’t fight them.

The van had driven block after block and Maria tried desperately to remember the way it tilted, every turn it took, every red light it stopped at. Eventually they’d stopped, grabbing her arms, hauled her inside a building, and shoved her in a room. Alone.

The door is locked. She’s tried it a dozen times, kicking at it and punching it until her knuckles bled. She doesn’t know how long she’s been here— they’ve taken her phone. She doesn’t cry, or scream, or beg. She just focuses on finding a way out.

She has absolutely no idea why she’s been taken. If this were a gang rape, she figures, they would have been far less coordinated and much faster. If it were a kidnapping, there would be a ransom, and while she has no idea if one has been demanded, nobody has come to see her for proof of life. Her brain starts spiralling out of control, concocting ever more ludicrous and terrifying scenarios. She’s been taken by enemy insurgents. It’s a dramatic plan to get her to come to her cousin’s wedding. She’s going to be waterboarded.

Her fingers trail across the dents and nicks on the head of the arrow pendant that hangs around her neck. She doesn’t know if they’d always been there, or if they were just the result of years of wear, but the arrow head is practically more space than actual silver. It’s solid and warm in her hand. It makes her think of Nat.

She’s trying not to be afraid. She knows, reasonably, that when she doesn’t show up home, Joseph will get worried. And if he can’t reach her, realistically, he’ll turn to Nat. Maria knows that Nat is more than capable of rescuing Maria. The biggest problem is that Maria herself has no idea where she is. The window in the corner of the room has been mostly covered up, but it’s peeling away in places. She presses her face against it, trying to figure out where she is. Through the dark, yellow-stained glass, she spots something that might just save her life.

A key turns in the lock, and the door is opened. Maria doesn’t immediately attack whoever it is coming through, despite how much she really wants to. She stands away from the window, expression guarded, hands in fists.

The man who comes in is holding her phone in her hand. A familiar snippet of ringtone is coming from it, and his face is twisted in a scowl. He shoves the phone at her and she drops to her knees to pick it up, ignoring the pain that shoots through her knee at the movement.

“Put it on speaker,” growls the man. “If you try anything, we’ll kill you.”

Maria swallows, and presses answer, doing as he says.

“Maria?” comes Nat’s voice, heavy with anxiety. “Oh, thank God you picked up. Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah,” says Maria, her voice shaky. “Fine.”

“We couldn’t get hold of you. We were worried something had happened!”

“Uh, no. Everything’s fine.” 

“Maria?” It’s Joseph, and Maria presses a hand across her mouth, trying to stifle a sob.

“Hey, buddy. I’m fine, I promise. Can you put Nat on for me?”

“What’s up?”

“Is it on speaker?” Maria asks, taking a deep breath.

“It isn’t anymore,” replies Nat. “Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing. Just— I’m crashing at Bobbi’s tonight. Can you look after Barnaby for me?”

“Look after—” Nat’s voice is confused, but she suddenly changes tone. “Yeah, of course! He’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

“Thank you, Nat.” Maria lets out a breath. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” Nat hangs up, and Maria closes her eyes, desperate not to let him see her cry. 

The man snatches the phone from her hands and takes it out of the room. Maria thinks he’s going to lock the door behind him, but he doesn’t. Instead, a tall man comes in, his figure weirdly familiar.

“Maria Hill,” he says, his accent vaguely Balkan. “You have something we need.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She sits back on her heels, her voice steady. “I don’t even know who you are.”

“Where is the key?” he asks, his tone almost friendly. “You tell us, and then we can let you go.”

“What key?” asks Maria, her curiosity piqued, despite the situation. “I don’t know anything about a key.”

“Liar!” snaps the man, surging forward and striking Maria across the face. She’s taken by surprise, her cheek stinging, and her eyes watering. “Where is it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she spits, “and even if I did, there’s no way in hell I’d tell you.”

The man growls, hitting her hard again, this time sending her tumbling against the brick wall. She lets out an exhale of pain, her back slamming into the wall.

“We’ll see if you’re more willing to talk after a night in here,” says the man almost smugly. “Be warned. I hear there are rats.”

He leaves, locking the door behind him, and Maria lets out a shaky breath. She lifts her fingers to touch her cheek and hisses as they come into contact with the tender area. They come away red. She leans back against the wall. It’s okay. She’s going to be okay. Nat will come. Nat is coming for her.

She doesn’t know what she’ll do if Nat doesn’t come.

She’s been there for about three days, judging by the way the light shifts through the grimy window. The unnamed man comes in every day, each time asking about a key Maria’s sure she doesn’t have. She’s been interrogated before, though. So she knows how to extract information from those wanting it from you.

She’s gathered that they need the key to access something. Probably a vault, or a storage unit. She knows that they think Nat stole it from the orphanage she escaped from— and through that knowledge, she reasons that they’re probably from the very same orphanage. The Red Room, Nat had called it. She knows they think she has it, but why, she’s still stumped on. Maybe they think Nat gave it to her. Maybe they’re just sorely misguided. 

She also knows they still believe she’s lying. It’s important they keep thinking that. She hasn’t missed the bulges that taunt at a sidearm at their hips, and she knows that if they realise she truly doesn’t know where the key is, she’s not useful any more. She also knows that she’s seen their faces.

She knows that means they’re not planning on letting her leave there alive.

Maria is tired. She’s tired and in pain and alone and she desperately clings to the last shreds of hope. It’s been two days since she talked to Nat. She has to keep hoping that she’s coming. She has to keep hoping.

She’s sitting in the very corner of the room, back slumped against the point where the two walls meet. She hurts everywhere. They play rough, these Russians. She doesn’t want to look at the patchwork of bruises that must adorn her skin, so she keeps her jacket on, despite the heat. 

She’s afraid. She tries not to show it, but she’s afraid. There are men with guns and they’re clearly not afraid to play dirty to get what they need. She’s alone and hurting and afraid.

She just has to hope. Nat will come for her. She just has to hope.


	18. i hope that you don’t bleed with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria’s beginning to lose hope that Nat is ever coming.

It’s been five days, and their patience is wearing thin.

“Where the hell is it, Hill?” spits the man. She’s learnt by now that his name is Lucah, but she knows very little else about him. On the other hand, though, they still know very little more about her.

They shoved a single bottle of water through the door on the evening of the third day, but she’s thirsty and hungry and she hurts everywhere. She knows she has broken ribs, broken knuckles, maybe a broken cheekbone— not to mention the bruises. She’s still holding out hope that Nat got her message. That she’s coming for her.

“I know Romanova gave it to you. I know you know where it is.”

It’s the first time they’ve actually mentioned Nat, and Maria’s blood-covered fingers drift up to touch the chain around her neck. Lucah lurches forward, grabbing the necklace and snapping it off her neck. Maria sucks in a breath.

“What’s this? Why are you—” His expression clears, like he’s had a revelation. He examines the arrow head closely. “You’ve had it. God, I noticed the necklace, I just— You’ve had it on you the entire time.”

Somehow, Maria’s just given them exactly what they want. “That’s not what you’re looking for,” she says, desperately trying to stall them. “Trust me. It’s just a charm.”

“It’s much more than a charm,” sneers Lucah. “But you know that, don’t you?”

He turns to the other man. “We’ll go to Wilmington in the morning. Finally. After all this time.”

Abruptly, he turns back to Maria, drawing his gun and levelling it at her head. “Thanks for the key, _dorogoy_ ,” he snarls. “But we have no further use for you.”

“Wait,” she says, her breath catching. “I can still be of use to you.”

“Oh, yes?” asks Lucah. “How could you possibly be of use to us now?”

“I, uh—” She racks her brains, trying to think. “Do you— Uh, don’t you want to know where Natalia is?”

As she’s saying it, the door to the room is smashed in, and several cops burst in. Lucah’s gun goes off, but he’s surprised, and the bullet grazes the side of Maria’s head, in a burning line through her hair. A familiar redhead comes to her side, tears streaming down her face.

“Maria,” Nat whispers. Maria’s half aware of the police in the background, arresting the men, but Natasha is here and nothing else matters. “God, we were so worried. You look…”

“Like hell?” supplies Maria, trying for a smile. Nat’s kneeled down next to her, and Maria rests her head on her girlfriend’s chest, exhausted. Before she knows it, her world has gone black.

When she wakes up, she’s in the back of a stationary ambulance, an EMT wrapping bandages around her hand. There’s an IV line attached to her arm, and she can feel bulky bandages wrapped around various parts of her body. Nat is sitting right next to her, her arms around her. Maria shifts, and Nat’s instantly alert.

“Hey, Masha,” she says softly. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” she says, her voice hoarse. “Joseph?”

“He’s fine,” says Nat. “He’s staying over at Jemma’s. I called him to let him know you’re okay.”

Maria nods, relieved. “How— how did you find me?”

“I knew something was wrong when you called me a few days ago,” Nat explains. “I’ve been working with the police since then. Your hint helped us— That was so smart, Maria.”

Maria shrugs, and winces. “There are a lot of Barnaby streets.”

Nat meets Maria’s eyes. “Maria, you would be dead if you hadn’t given us that tip.” She breathes out shakily. “I was— I was so worried.”

“I’m fine.”

“Masha, please,” says Nat, her voice desperate. “Don’t do this. Don’t push me away. I can’t— I just got you back. I can’t lose you again.”

Maria feels tears trickling down her own cheeks, and squeezes Natasha’s hand. “I’m sorry.”

“What hurts?” asks Nat softly. Maria laughs quietly.

“Everything,” she offers helplessly. Nat looks at her imploringly, and she relents. “Here,” she says, flexing her wrapped hand. Nat leans over and gently presses a kiss to the bandages. “Here. Here.” She gestures to her ribs, and to her knee. She’ll have to get her brace from home— But Nat’s kisses are soft, and they make her smile. “Here. Here,” she adds, pointing to her sore throat. The bloody side of her head. “Here.” Nat kisses her broken cheekbone so gently. 

Maria smiles. “Here?” she asks, pressing a finger to her lips. Nat laughs, and kisses her. It’s slow, and easy— like she doesn’t want to hurt her— but Maria can almost feel Nat’s pain through the kiss. How relieved she is that she’s okay. How glad she is they’re safe.

“I keep thinking,” Maria says honestly, as they pull away. “Why? What did they want?” She closes her eyes. “This was— god, it was awful. But what was even the point?”

Nat reaches into her pocket and uncurls her fist, revealing the silver arrow head. “They took this from you.”

“Yeah,” nods Maria, racking her brains. “I, uh— I think it’s a key. Of some kind.”

“A key?” asks Nat, her eyes wide. “To what?”

“They said they were going to Wilmington.”

“That’s a bank,” says Natasha. “Do you think it’s for a safety deposit box?”

“Maybe,” shrugs Maria. “I don’t know. But— this necklace was your mom’s. It, and whatever it leads to— It’s yours.”

“It’s going to sound callous,” says Nat, “but I don’t care. You’re safe and alive. That’s all that matters to me right now.”

Maria presses her lips together, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The Wilmington bank manager remembers Natasha’s mother, and it’s only a few minutes before Nat and Maria are led to the deposit box. They slide it out, unlock it with the carved arrow head, and gently open the lid.

Staring back at them are six perfect, glittering diamonds.


	19. i'm afraid of the things in my brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria's resting, and recovering, and Nat is still, always, there.

It’s been five weeks since she was rescued.

Her broken bones are well on their way to healing, despite the pain, and the bullet graze on the side of her head has faded to an ugly scar. She still jumps at noises, at sudden touches, but she’s healing. More than that, she’s seeing a therapist for the first time in over a year. She’s talking. She’s getting better.

She’s holding Nat’s hand, and it’s warm and safe and comforting. She glances over at her, the small smile on her girlfriend’s face lighting up the rink.

“It’s late,” she says, her voice echoing in the empty changing room.

“Yeah,” says Nat. She sits down on a bench and Maria sits next to her. She glances up at the flyer over her head. The first performance of the Nutcracker is tomorrow.

“You should be resting,” chides Maria gently. 

Nat laughs. “So should you.”

Maria sighs. “Can you believe it’s been so long? This performance, this is what started it all. This is how we met.”

“I’m so glad,” Nat says.

Maria bites her lip. “Are you going to go back to your old rehearsal slots?”

“Not if I can help it,” she says. “But even if I do. You’re my girlfriend now, remember? I don’t have to wait a week to see you in the changing room.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have to wait at all,” Maria blurts, before she can stop herself. Nat raises an eyebrow.

“Maria Hill, are you asking me to move in with you?”

“I talked about it with Joseph,” she admits. “He’d be okay with it.”

Nat gives a soft smile. “Then I would love to.”

Maria’s face splits into a wide grin. “Come on. Let’s get out on the ice.”

It takes them a few minutes to lace up their boots, longer due to the awkward splint on Maria’s fingers, and then they’re pushing the gate open and gliding out onto the rink. Maria’s had a weird relationship with the ice, the last couple of months. After the accident, she’d only had a few weeks back on the team before she’d been taken. Wryly, she thinks that she’s very glad that they have Val as her stand-in. She hopes she’ll be fully recovered in time to compete in the Mid-Atlantic, but she’s sensible. She knows if she pushes herself, it’ll just make everything worse.

The rink is cool and lit by glimmering bulbs that glint off the ice, making it feel magical. Nat’s illuminated in the golden glow like an angel, the light shimmering off her red curls. Maria has to remember to take a breath.

They’re skating so slowly they’re almost not moving at all. Their bodies pressed together, their arms intertwined, Nat’s hair falls in Maria’s face and Maria’s breath warms Nat’s cheek. 

Nat lifts her fingers to brush along Maria’s scar. Maria winces, but more from habit than actual pain. There are still butterfly sutures stuck along it, and her hair has been lopsidedly shaved to allow it space to heal.

“We should probably do something about this,” whispers Nat, gently ruffling the stubbly hair along her scalp. “As cute as you look, it should probably be evened out.”

“I’m going to look so butch,” moans Maria.

Nat bites her lip, clearly imagining Maria with an undercut. “You’re going to look stunning.”

Maria laughs, the sound bouncing around the ice. “What colour is your Clara costume?” she asks, changing the subject.

“Blue,” Nat replies, wrinkling her eyebrows. “Why?”

“I have to find a tie that matches,” smirks Maria. “You know, we never actually properly announced that we were together?”

“And you think matching outfits is going to tip everybody off?”

“Maybe,” she muses. “But I think the kiss I’m planning on giving you once the show’s over will give more away.”

Nat smiles, her cheeks pink. “Well, I’d be a pretty rubbish rink matchmaker if I couldn’t find a date for myself.”

“Oh, that’s right,” nods Maria. “I’m just here to keep up appearances.” She winks at Nat and presses a kiss to her bare neck. “Careful,” she whispers. “Somebody might get the impression you actually care.”

Nat breathes out, relaxing into Maria’s arms. “It’s you who’s supposed to be the ice-cold commander, remember? I’m just the sexy eye-candy.”

Maria grabs Nat’s hand and twirls her on the ice. “You are so much more than eye candy.”

“And you have a heart the furthest thing from ice.”

It’s sappy, but it makes Maria’s non-ice heart flutter. “You flatter me, Talia.”

“I try.” Nat smirks at her, her green eyes flashing with mischief. “God, I love you, Masha.”

“I love you too,” says Maria easily, smiling. “I can’t believe I get a girlfriend like you. You’re clever, and funny, and kind, and stunningly gorgeous…” She trails off, winking, and kisses Nat’s lips.

“Hmm,” Nat hums. “You’re not so bad yourself, milaya.”

“Milaya,” repeats Maria, her American accent probably mangling the Russian word beyond recognition. 

“Sweetie,” translates Nat, looking almost sheepish. “I thought—”

Maria interrupts her before she has a chance to finish that thought. “It’s lovely.”

They’re silent for a moment, gliding carefree along the ice.

“Did I ever tell you my mom was half-Italian?” she says after a second.

“No,” says Nat, lifting an eyebrow. “But I’ve heard you sometimes. I think I’ve picked up on a couple of swear words.”

Maria laughs. “Yeah, maybe. She used to speak to me in Italian all the time when I was little, and she’d make these awesome foods. I wish I was better at cooking so I could try and recreate it.” She shrugs self-deprecatingly.

“She sounds lovely, Ria,” says Nat softly. “I wish I could have met her.”

“Yeah, I know. She was awesome. She used to take me out skating.” Maria smiles. “I’d fall over all the time at first. I remember she used to say to me, ‘it’s okay if you fall over, bambina, as long as you get back up’. That’s got me through a lot.”

“She sounds like a wise woman.”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t remember my parents much,” Nat says, unprompted. “They were clearly pretty well-off, judging by the diamonds burning a hole in that safety deposit box. All I remember about them is my mom’s smiles, and my dad’s Russian lullabies.” She bites her lip, clearly trying not to cry. “I don’t know what to do. I mean, there are these diamonds, and it feels like a Hallmark Christmas movie. What am I supposed to do with them?”

Maria pulls her closer, her arms tight around her back. “I don’t know,” she says honestly. “But I think you can figure it out.”

“I want to make them proud,” says Nat quietly, her head buried in Maria’s shoulder.

“I think you already have.”


	20. but we can stay here and laugh away the fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The production of the Nutcracker gets underway and Nat finally figures out what to do with the diamonds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I may be adding an extra bonus chapter. What can I say? This is really fun to write. I hope you like it.  
> \- astra *

It takes Maria longer than usual to realise Nat’s in her — their — bedroom. She has her headphones in blasting music at an ungodly volume, and she’s got her pyjama shirt halfway around her elbows above her head, so it’s only when the handle of the door is turned that she registers her girlfriend. For a moment, they’re both still. The music in her headphones seems louder than ever in the silence of the room, as Maria closes her eyes, feeling a smile spread across her face. Then an especially loud chord explodes in her ear, and she pulls the shirt off, tugging the headphones out of her ears, fire burning in her cheeks.

“Hey, Nat,” she says softly, facing her. 

“Hey yourself,” she replies, coming over and wrapping her cold hands around Maria’s waist.

“Ah, Nat!” yelps Maria. “That’s cold!”

Nat laughs. She’s wearing an off-the-shoulder shirt, and Maria can’t help but stare. Her short hair is tied back in two french plaits knotted off at the nape of her neck. Maria presses a kiss to her neck.

“I’m about to head out,” breathes Nat. “Phil wants us all there.”

“Okay,” whines Maria. “If you have to.” She pauses, kissing Nat’s cheek. “See you in a couple hours?”

“See you. Love you, Masha.”

“Love you too. Good luck.” Nat leaves, a duffel bag slung over her shoulder.

Maria pulls her dress shirt on and buttons it up the front. She drapes the blue tie around her neck and stands in front of the mirror to try and tie it.

She looks different. The woman staring back at her has a neat undercut — you can just about see the raised scar across her head. She’s flushed and her smile is so genuine, so real, that Maria almost doesn’t recognise her. Most of all, she has a faint lipstick mark where Nat had kissed her. Maria’s fingers drift up to trace over it.

She can hardly believe how her life has changed. She has friends that care about her, a real family -- outside her brother -- at the rink, and a girlfriend who loves her. She’s happy. She’s truly content with her lot in life right now.

She deftly knots the tie at her throat and shrugs on a dark blazer. “Coming, Jo?” she calls. “Let’s go.”

The show is an absolute success. She scans the applauding audience. Joseph is sitting next to her, Molly on his other side. All of the kids — they’ve affectionately dubbed themselves the Runaways, despite the fact that none of them have actually run away anywhere — have come, and Chase is sitting next to Leo. Maria hasn’t missed the way Leo blushes whenever Chase pays him any attention. She thinks it’s cute.

The skaters come out for their final bow, one by one. Jemma cheers extra loudly for the little skater playing the Sugar Plum Fairy — Skye, Maria thinks her name is. And obviously, when Natasha comes to take her curtsy, Maria cheers so loudly she thinks she might lose her voice.

Insanely, she thinks, _that’s my girlfriend_. 

The skaters take a while to change, and they meet their friends and family in the lobby when they’re done. Jemma runs up to Skye, throws her arms around her, and whispers something. Jemma pulls her arms away and kisses Skye, almost shyly. It’s adorable. 

“So cute, right?” comments Nat. Maria whirls around.

“Nat!” she cries, kissing her hard. “Oh, you were amazing. I’m so proud.”

“Thanks,” she smiles modestly. “You look amazing.”

“You both do,” says Bobbi, her arm around Sharon. “We’re so pleased you finally got your act together.”

“If a little frustrated it took a literal kidnapping to get there.” Victoria raises a perfect eyebrow, and Pepper nudges her in the side. Carol hugs Nat tightly from behind.

“You were amazing. The show was brilliant.”

Nat smiles. “Thanks, guys.”

“Do you want to go out to celebrate?” asks Sharon. “We were thinking of all going to a bar together. We’d even let the boys come.”

“Maybe in a second,” says Nat, making Maria frown in confusion. “I’ve got something I want to show Maria first.”

The girls accept this excuse, and start to fade away, chatting and planning. Maria turns to her girlfriend. “What’s up?”

“Chase?” calls Nat. He comes over. 

“Hi, Natasha.”

“You remember I gave you the address?” Chase nods. “Bring all the Runaways. And Joseph, too, if he’ll fit in your car. If you have space you can bring the rink kids. Jemma, Leo, Skye.”

“Please,” brags Chase. “Everyone will fit in the Leapfrog.”

“Nat, what’s going on?” asks Maria, digging her heels in.

“I promise, it’s good,” swears Nat. “You just need to get in the car with me.”

“Fine,” relents Maria. “I’m trusting you.”

The car is still too small, but luckily the journey isn’t too long. Nat parks at the bottom of a hill and they make the tiring trek to the top.

The kids aren’t much longer, and doesn’t take long for them all to be gathered on top of the hill. Natasha faces them all.

“So I found this place,” she begins. “It wasn’t exactly for sale, but I tracked down the owner, and I had some cash to spare, so I bought it from him.” She pulls some bracken off a door and swings it open. They all slowly follow her through.

It’s like a giant underground mansion. It’s dusty and dark and empty and Maria’s eyes track around the huge entrance, lifting up to the chandelier in the ceiling. There are rooms branching off everywhere. A kitchen, living rooms, and upstairs, a landing cut off by a railing, with doors to what must be bedrooms.

“It’s called the Hostel,” Nat explains. “I figured both Maria and I could have used something like this when we were kids. I wanted to give you guys the option. You can stay here any time you need, free of charge, and I’ll keep it stocked with food and necessities. Anything you need, you can just ask.”

Karolina looks around, shocked. “Nat, we can’t possibly—”

“Just say yes,” interrupts Nat. “Please. I don’t know the full extent of everything that’s going on with your parents, but you’re a part of the rink, which makes you a part of the family. You’ll be safe here, if you ever need to get away.” She shrugs. “Even if you don’t need to. The rooms are pretty big. It would be pretty cool for sleepovers.”

“Thank you,” breathes Gert. 

“This is insane,” adds Nico.

Chase nods. “Can we make it up to you?”

Nat laughs. “Stay in school,” she offers. “Follow where your life leads you. Stay safe. That’s good enough for me.”

Jemma, Leo, and Skye look awkward in the corner. Nat spots them and smiles.

“You guys too, okay? Use this place to get away from your parents if you need. Take a room and use it to do your insane experiments. Just try not to blow it up.”

Skye hugs Nat tightly. “This is amazing,” she whispers. The kids all make their ways to explore different parts of the house. Eventually, just Maria and Nat are left.

Maria turns to Nat, tears in her eyes. “God, Nat. This is incredible.”

Nat shrugs, a small smile on her face. “I figure, we adopt ten kids, we need to take care of them.”

Maria laughs and wraps her arms around Natasha. “You’re amazing,” she breathes.

“No,” replies Nat. “I’m just giving them what I wish I’d had.”

Maria nods. “I love you, Nat.”

“I love you too.”


	21. mm-hm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three years have passed. The world is quiet, and Maria is content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been an amazing ride, guys. I’ve loved writing this and your comments have meant so much to me! I’m currently working on a similar AU about Peggy Carter as an NYPD detective, if anyone is interested in reading that. I hope the last chapter does this justice as its end.  
> Thank you to everyone who’s stuck with me this far!  
> \- astra *

It’s been three years since they opened the Hostel.

At first, it’s just the Runaways that come and go. Occasionally Leo comes by to get away from his dad, or Skye spends a couple of nights, but for the most part, it isn’t the most used. It slowly gets cleaned up, bit by bit. A couple of strings of lights here. A new coat of paint there.

Maria and Natasha visit every weekend and stay for most of the day Saturday. Sometimes Joseph comes too. Sometimes all the Runaways are there; sometimes only a few; sometimes there’s nobody else there at all.

Then the Runaways actually run away from home, and they become a near-permanent fixture at the house, claiming rooms as their own and decorating them in their own way. Even when they begin to pack up and leave for college, their rooms stay. A safe place if they ever need to come back.

The foot traffic slowly increases. Skye tells a couple of her friends from the orphanage, who get the word out to the homeless community. Jemma mentions it to a couple of classmates, and then everyone in their school knows that if you ever need a place to go, a place to hide, a place to stay, the Hostel is the place.

Some kids spend a night or two. Some kids only show up for the free food. Some kids just need some place warm, with a fireplace. But there are always some that stay a little longer, that make the Hostel a place that really feels like home.

It’s these kids that are gathered in the lobby of the Hostel now. Karolina gives them a once-over from her perch up on the landing.

There’s Flint and Tess, and Jemma and Skye and Leo and Lincoln and Robbie and Gabe. There’s Crystal and her huge dog. There’s America and Teddy and Billy and Kate and Doreen. There’s Harley and Peter. There’s all her Runaways, home from various universities or colleges or jobs. 

These are the kids whose lives the Hostel has really changed. Karolina is very familiar with the story of the bad guys, the kidnapping, the inherited fortune -- these are the kids whose lives those diamonds have not just changed, but saved. These are the kids who’ve been touched by the kindness of two strangers.

“Do they look presentable?” asks Nico, winding her arms around Karolina’s waist. Karolina smiles.

“Yeah. Might have to fix Leo’s hair.” She glances at the curly mess atop his head. 

“You know it’s always like that,” says Nico wryly. “You ready?”

“I guess so,” she says. “It’s strange. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long.”

“I know,” muses Nico. “Remember the Nutcracker? When we all found out they were actually dating?”

Karolina smiles. “And Sleeping Beauty two years later. When they told us they were engaged.”

“I liked that one,” whispers Nico. “I think Sleeping Beauty was excellent.” 

Karolina blushes, remembering how excited she’d been at being offered the part. “I liked it too. Especially when we kissed in the changing rooms after the show.”

Nico tugs at the collar of her shirt, straightening her deep purple tie. “We should get down there. Chase’s got the Leapfrog ready.”

Karolina smiles, patting down her lilac dress. “Let’s go.”

The rink is lit with gorgeous strings of light bulbs, giving the whole rink a golden glow. There’s an arch in the centre of the rink, roses twirling up it. The chairs are set up, and all the guests are gingerly making their way across the ice to find their seats. Karolina’s holding Nico’s hand, and they sit down in their allocated chairs.

“This is beautiful,” whispers Karolina. “It’s very them.”

“It is,” replies Nico. “It’s how they met, anyway. The rink. It’s fitting.”

Music starts drifting down the aisle, soft piano notes coming through the speakers. They glance towards the back, seeing the wedding party begin to make their way.

Maria’s best man is Joseph, which doesn’t surprise Karolina at all. Nat’s is Clint, which also makes a lot of sense. Maria’s bridesmaids -- Carol, Sharon, Bobbi, and Victoria -- look gorgeous in dark blue, and Carol is rocking the suit. Nat’s own bridesmaids and groomsmen are wearing lighter blue -- Pepper, Tony, and Steve. 

Phil’s officiating, which is amusing, but makes a sort of sense. He’s a fairly sensible option, in that he cares a lot about both of them but isn’t immature enough to make inappropriate jokes throughout the ceremony. 

Victoria and Pepper’s adopted daughter Morgan walks up the aisle, throwing flowers at the guests. Monica, Carol’s late wife’s daughter, holds Morgan’s hand, scattering the flowers much more sensibly.

Finally, Nat and Maria make their way up to the front. Nat’s wearing a gorgeous white dress, a sleeveless sweetheart neckline showing off her collarbones and the skirt full, but short enough that you can see the white skates on her feet. Maria’s suit is also white, and it’s sleek and she looks amazing. When they come to a stop, they hold each other’s hands so their skates can’t slip away, and Karolina thinks it’s the sweetest thing in the world.

“Maria,” says Nat. “When I came to this country, I thought I’d find a flat, maybe a job. Maybe I’d even find a skating rink I could come to. What I never expected was to find you. I love the way you listen to me, the way you care for me, the way you love me. I love everything about you. I’m the luckiest person in the world. I’d be honoured to take you as my wife.”

Maria laughs wetly and rubs her eyes. “Natalia,” she says, and smiles. “I was lost when I met you. I was broken and afraid. I’m so lucky you stayed by my side and helped me while I found my own way -- put myself back together. I’m so glad I get to wake up every morning and see your gorgeous eyes, your smile. I’d like to wake up and see that every morning for the rest of my life. I’d be honoured to take you as my wife.”

The reception afterwards is held in the huge hall in the front of the Hostel, which seems fitting. Nat and Maria are wonderful people who will have wonderful legacies -- the hockey, the figure skating, Maria’s job, the friendships they’ve made. But the legacy that will last the longest, mean the most, is the Hostel. They’ve changed people’s lives.

It had been Karolina’s idea to hold it at the Hostel in the first place. She suggested it to the rest of the Runaways, and they’d loved the idea. Alex had made all the arrangements, had the decorations and the catering set up, and they’d all made their contributions.

It looks lovely, now. It’s decorated with blue balloons and streamers, and there are beautiful flower arrangements everywhere, that match Nat’s bouquet.

“Maria’s my favourite person in the world,” says Joseph in his toast. “Nat makes her really happy. They’ve been together for four years and I’ve seen them grow so much together. They’re perfect for each other.”

And that about sums it up, doesn’t it? When Karolina met Nat and Maria, they’d both been a little lost and a little afraid. Now, they’re so happy together, and they’ve grown so much. Karolina thinks, wryly, that they’re the lesbian couple all the other lesbians in the neighborhoud look up to. They’re just so _functional_.

There’s a lot of dancing, and a lot of music. Since neither of them has any parents to dance with, Fury and Phil take to the floor for the mandatory father-daughter dance. Fury looks like he’s trying to pretend he’s reluctant about this, but he looks at Nat and Maria with so much pride that it’s easy to forget he’s not their actual father. 

Karolina leaves the party to go to the bathroom, some time later, and spots an ajar door. She doesn’t mean to pry, but it’s open and she can’t help but hear.

“Thanks, Nat,” she hears Maria say. “Just a bit much.”

“Of course,” she hears Nat reply. “We can go back whenever you’re ready.”

Karolina catches a glance into the bedroom as she passes. Nat is lying back on the bed, Maria’s head on her chest.

“I love you,” she hears Nat whisper.

“I love you too,” says Maria, the hint of a smile in her voice as she examines the diamond adorning her ring finger.

“Are you okay?” asks Nat. 

Maria hums a “mm-hm.” 

“With you?” she says. “Always.”


End file.
